Moving on

The last few months have probably been the most interesting in my entire life.
Having finished study as stated in the last blog, I sat around all day watching movies, not quite knowing what do to with my life.
I was really quite happy to do that forever, quite honestly.
But it lasted all of a few weeks till I began to run out of the money my father gave me as a graduation present.
So I tried without success to acquire a little financial help from the Government, aka Work and Income, aka the most unhelpful company ever invented.
So I decided to get a job. I applied for one, had an interview and got the job. All in the space of a week.
I've never had a job before so it's a huge step for me.
And it meant moving out of home.
Tonight is my last night in my current house with my family. Tomorrow I'm on the road, moving an hour and a half away from everything I've known for the last five years.
I'm going to be honest, I'm terrified, I'd be lying if I said this whole move, this whole job didn't bother me.
But that doesn't mean I'm not excited. I get to live alone, live my own life. Except I won't really be living alone as I'll have a flatmate but I won't have anyone looking after me.
Sure, as Blind Melon once said, "I'd like to keep my cheeks dry today", and for the time I'm away from home but there's a lot of pressure in this job and there's a lot of pressure keeping financially stable so I can eat and pay rent so maybe there will be some tears, some days.
I'm trying to think that my family isn't so far away and that they won't let me starve alone in a strange town.
I don't know really.
I'm going to miss my friends, only talking online is not really enough sometimes. Sometimes all I'm going to want is a hug and chances are, there won't be anyone to hug me.
I'm going to feel lonely for a long time.
"This place is a prison, these people aren't your friends" - The Postal Service.
I'm going to miss my cat more than I can even say.
I'm going to miss my mum. The way she makes me coffee in the morning, the way we watch TV together, the way she buys me a V in the shopping every week, the way she sometimes cooks me dinner when I'm too lazy to do it, the way we cook together, the way she hugs me.
It's hard. Really hard.
This new town will never feel like my home, my heart will always belong wherever my family is.
Leaving makes me feel like my heart is torn apart.
The town I currently live in is crazy. We've had an interesting 5 years here from murders to suicides to crazed gunmen and that's just our neighbourhood!
I'm going to miss walking around town and seeing people I went to school with, especially being able to see my crush randomly, or not so randomly if I went certain places I knew he'd be, like his work.
I'm going to miss him, the fact he knows who I am. The fact he acknowledges my presence. That he talks to me. He'll be the first to forget me.

This is a new beginning. Tomorrow I begin the rest of my life.
This is both exciting and completely and utterly terrifying.

I guess I'll keep you posted.

Varelai.