Taking Back My Power

Grinding into me, grabbing my hips,
Your touch makes me shiver.

You make me sick to my stomach,
Did I ask you to do this to me?

“NO! STOP!” I scream,
A look of realisation dawns on your face.

People start to stare,
Guilt creeps into your eyes.

You walk away.

But then you’re back,
Was I not clear enough?

You’re close enough now that I can smell your breath: stale beer and cigarettes,
Is that why you don’t understand the meaning of no?

I punch you in the nose and shove you away,
“GO AWAY!” I scream

Even over the live band, people hear my cries for help,
A look of horror appears on your face, now you understand.

Three men approach you but you’ve already started to stalk away,
They grab you and drag you out into the night.

I’ve taken my power back,
You didn’t win; I will never let you win.

Creeps like you don’t scare me,
I did nothing wrong.

My world changes and my trust for men returns,
Caution remains but now I know how to fight back.




Authors note: Back in September I had a bad experience at a bar and a few nights ago I was talking to someone about it and they said when they had a bad experience similar to this, they did a painting but then in order to take their power back, that was taken away from them at this experience, they did another painting that was the opposite to the first.
It's a way to make yourself feel better because although I can't change what happened that night in reality, in fiction I can so this is the poem that changes what happened. This is what should have happened that night and what will happen if anything like this ever happens again.
He scared me, he changed the way I act, for the last three months instead of dancing, I've just stood against the wall but now I realise, fuck it, why let that creep win? He probably doesn't even remember what happened anymore so why should I still let that experience affect me?
Well no more, this, in my mind is what happened that night, I'm taking back my power.

Varelai.

The Sleaze

Hands all over my body,
Wandering, exploring.

Did I ask for this when I came out tonight?

Enjoying myself,
Having a dance, I never expected it to end this way.

Grinding into me, grabbing my hips,
Your touch makes me shiver.

What makes you think I want this to happen?

Feeling violated, dirty,
You make me sick to my stomach.

Even a shower won't wash away your filth from my body,
The terror stays in my mind constantly.

Jumping at every slight touch,
Was I always this scared and alone?

Girls dressed in barely any clothes,
Why don't you pick on them?

Wanting to wrap myself in layers of winter clothes,
Maybe the chills will go away, maybe I won't cause this again.

The smell of stale beer and cigarettes,
Do you think that excuses your behaviour?

Moving on, beginning to enjoy the company of men,
But you are a reminder that they're all the same.

You are the reason I despise your kind.




Author's note: There are not enough words to describe how I'm feeling right now. I hope this comes close to somehow explaining it.
I thought I was ready to love someone of the male kind but how can I when certain males act like the biggest creeps in the world, violating innocent girls, coming back again and again even when they say no.
This experience will never leave my mind. Any man's touch will turn my stomach.
I feel like I should cut off all my hair again, at least men used to ignore me when it was short. It gave the message loud and clear. A message I want to give again. I HATE MEN, even hate is not a strong enough word to describe how dispicable they are.
A female would never do this to someone. I may never trust another human being and yet the question never leaves my mind: Did I bring this on myself? Were my jeans too tight? Should I have worn more jackets?


Varelai.