Regret

So many regrets,
Never knowing if the right choice was made.
Should I have kissed him? Should I have kissed her?
Was walking away the best decision I've ever made?
Or the worst?
If I'd turned around, would things be different?
Would you be nicer? Would you still want to die?
Where would we be now if we'd let our animal instincts take control?
Hindsight's a bitch.
Looking back, we have all the answers,
Would things be different had we known it all earlier?



Just a short poem today to let you all know I'm still alive, sorry I've been a bit absent, there's been a lot happening in my life, mostly to do with the actions of others that have greatly affected my wellbeing.
But things are looking up, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and I can gladly say, it's not just the train coming.
I guess in the last few weeks I've learnt a lot, one of those things is that you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped, it just stresses you out and frustrates them.
Some of the stuff that's gone on, I've wanted to blog about but I guess it would be one of those situations where anger would get in the way of my writing and it would get a bit too personal for use on the internet.

I've started a new project where I take one photo a day for 365 days, just as a way to build my creativity back up I guess but also to give me something to do and focus on while I'm looking for another job. All the photos go up on Flickr and Facebook currently so they're quite accessable publically if you ask.

I've started playing World of Warcraft again, started on the 21st of last month so have been back at that for a while now and am getting quite far in the game because of all the spare time I have but that's another reason I haven't been blogging quite as frequently.

Another new change I've made is the decision to let go of anyone in my life who was using me for their own purposes.
These people have made me angry and frustrated for years and because I generally am quite nice natured, I often get used and abused when someone wants something and then dumped unceremoniously when they have gotten all they can out of me.
Well no more mrs nice girl, I no longer have time in my life to put up with anyone who doesn't give me back what I put into a friendship.
I'm not just talking physical stuff like money or petrol, I'm talking time as well. I don't have time for someone who will sit there and talk about themselves for hours without letting me get a word in edgewise. That's not a conversation, that's you talking.
But physical stuff does come into it. I don't actually mind driving people around if they pay me for the petrol but constantly using me to drive you around without any petrol money just gets me pissed off. Learn to drive, don't fucking use me for your transport, I'm not a fucking bus. I don't mind being a taxi though, but those fares are very important if you just want a ride and it won't benefit me in some way. Give and take guys, give and take.

So that's a basic overview of my life right now,
I hope you're all okay, I believe the ones who were using me don't have access to this blog anyway so if you're reading this, you're probably a friend, not an enemy.

Varelai.