You know when you're in your zone.
As a writer, your zone is the place you get into when you just write and write and it's good writing too.
It's a place where writers block feels so so far away.
Then something happens, someone says something or does something to upset you or make you angry or whatever and you fall out of your zone.
This just happened to me.
I did a great interview with the aforementioned wine writer, he was nice and easy to chat to even though I found his book extremely hard to get into.
So I'm in my zone writing up this interview then I get this school's newsletter.
I'm subscribed to a few different school newsletters as they're often helpful and they DISS me, publically besmirch my good name.
Of course they don't use my name but they make it obvious who I am.
This fucks me off royally.
It completely ruins my zone and now my author story is going to be dull because I've lost my train of thought, lost my zone, lost my flair.
So I made a statement, I said "this is what I think of your fucking newsletter" and screwed it up and chucked it in the bin.
I didn't even read it beyond the first sentence coz I don't think it's fair she was allowed to besmirch my name.
Sure, if I "misquoted" her, she could have rung me and said "you misquoted me", in fact she did ring me but noooooooooooo aside from that she has to publically do that too.
Fuck it, I don't need her or her fucking school.
They can fuck off, I'll get other contacts.
Oh and that free publicity you like getting, oh well you can go fuck yourselves, no more of that. You fuck up my reputation and I'll fuck up yours. No more nice stories for you. In fact, no more stories at ALL for you.
I need a coffee and something sweet to sweeten my mood before I continue with this story, which I want to give complete justice.
Varelai.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Rainy days and Mondays
I just spent 10 minutes shuffling the coloured note paper on my desk so I don't get sick of the colour I write notes on so I have a wide variety of colour often.
They could probably do with arranging so there is one piece of each colour one after another but I don't have that much time on my hands.
I've just been reading a book about wine, the history of it so I can write about the author. A few more cups of tea and I may be able to get through it without snoring but I doubt that.
Yes, tea. Because work is out of coffee. I prefer tea in some ways, I like that I can add sugar to it where as I was weaned off sugar in coffee so I only take sugar when I'm SUPER tired and need the sugar buzz as well as the caffiene buzz.
I've heard tea has more caffiene anyway so that could be a bonus.
But I'm super tired and a book about wine is bound to put any sane person to sleep in negative 5 minutes.
It's raining where I am today. Winter, it is a comin' and I can feel it in my bones or something.
Wearing like 10 layers of clothes and am still cold. Fuck this fucking shit.
I hate doing anything on rainy days, I should go drive 45 minutes away to speak to someone but it's too cold to even get in the car and all the company cars have bad wipers that need replacing so it just makes the journey dangerous.
Plus, who wants to drive to some shitsplat town 45 minutes away from civilisation, not that you can really call the town I currently reside in "civilisation".
I'm beginning to hate my flat, I want to live alone so I can cut the small talk on days when I don't feel like talking.
Last night I made dinner, had no idea what I was going to make but made a stirfry with noodles and then after we had eaten, my flatmate mutters to herself "what's for dinner", real sarcastic like, so fucking rude.
Just coz I don't eat meat, she thinks she's so hard done by but she won't let us cook seperately coz there's more electricity and more dishes. Well if I clean my own dishes and you clean yours it'll be all good.
I don't want to have to cater to her and eat or even cook meat, it's foul and after 2 and a half years, it's just too much to ask.
I love my lifestyle, I don't want to fuck it all up because she's being a fussy bitch.
I sometimes make stuff with pastry etc and she's all "I'm on a diet, I can't eat it" and same with cheese.
Fuck that shit, it's the only fucking thing I can eat, give me a fucking break dude.
Oh and she doesn't eat pasta, talk about getting rid of my staples.
I worked Saturday last week so I didn't have to work Monday but then that fucked up my whole schedule coz I have things I do on Monday and I couldn't do them so everything was running late and people were angry.
I hate Monday's as much as rainy days. As the Carpenters or someone sang, rainy days and Monday's always get me down.
Actually, I may have called a post the same thing before.
But it has made the week go significantly faster because of skipping that shitty day.
Also, it was pay week this week. We get paid once a fortnight so pay week is always my favourite.
But the fucking government are raising GST so I feel entirely fucked when it comes to living coz I can't really afford to live much anymore.
My pay looks great coz it's my first job but it's not actually great, in fact, it's quite shit.
I need a new bed but will have to save up for one coz I can't afford to buy one straight off the bat. I should have gotten more money this pay coz I worked extra hours! Fuck it's all a piece of shit conspiracy.
I'm so tired I'm talking absolute shit.
I wonder if www.absoluteshit.com is still around, it was pretty good in it's time.
If it is it's probably blocked on work computers like every other cunting website.
This blog sounds like it was written by Holden Caufield, if you don't know who that is, you are my hero. He's a fucking shitty character from the biggest literary disaster of all time by JD Salinger (who is now dead thank goodness so he can't write anymore awful books, pretty sure this was the only one he wrote anyway, biggest one hit wonder of all time) The Catcher In The Rye.
He swears every 2 words or so and is so fucking angsty it's unbelieveable.
And oh goodness he uses the worst grammar and spelling and uses capitals everywhere and it's fucking ridiculous.
Anyway,
Thanks for listening.
Varelai.
They could probably do with arranging so there is one piece of each colour one after another but I don't have that much time on my hands.
I've just been reading a book about wine, the history of it so I can write about the author. A few more cups of tea and I may be able to get through it without snoring but I doubt that.
Yes, tea. Because work is out of coffee. I prefer tea in some ways, I like that I can add sugar to it where as I was weaned off sugar in coffee so I only take sugar when I'm SUPER tired and need the sugar buzz as well as the caffiene buzz.
I've heard tea has more caffiene anyway so that could be a bonus.
But I'm super tired and a book about wine is bound to put any sane person to sleep in negative 5 minutes.
It's raining where I am today. Winter, it is a comin' and I can feel it in my bones or something.
Wearing like 10 layers of clothes and am still cold. Fuck this fucking shit.
I hate doing anything on rainy days, I should go drive 45 minutes away to speak to someone but it's too cold to even get in the car and all the company cars have bad wipers that need replacing so it just makes the journey dangerous.
Plus, who wants to drive to some shitsplat town 45 minutes away from civilisation, not that you can really call the town I currently reside in "civilisation".
I'm beginning to hate my flat, I want to live alone so I can cut the small talk on days when I don't feel like talking.
Last night I made dinner, had no idea what I was going to make but made a stirfry with noodles and then after we had eaten, my flatmate mutters to herself "what's for dinner", real sarcastic like, so fucking rude.
Just coz I don't eat meat, she thinks she's so hard done by but she won't let us cook seperately coz there's more electricity and more dishes. Well if I clean my own dishes and you clean yours it'll be all good.
I don't want to have to cater to her and eat or even cook meat, it's foul and after 2 and a half years, it's just too much to ask.
I love my lifestyle, I don't want to fuck it all up because she's being a fussy bitch.
I sometimes make stuff with pastry etc and she's all "I'm on a diet, I can't eat it" and same with cheese.
Fuck that shit, it's the only fucking thing I can eat, give me a fucking break dude.
Oh and she doesn't eat pasta, talk about getting rid of my staples.
I worked Saturday last week so I didn't have to work Monday but then that fucked up my whole schedule coz I have things I do on Monday and I couldn't do them so everything was running late and people were angry.
I hate Monday's as much as rainy days. As the Carpenters or someone sang, rainy days and Monday's always get me down.
Actually, I may have called a post the same thing before.
But it has made the week go significantly faster because of skipping that shitty day.
Also, it was pay week this week. We get paid once a fortnight so pay week is always my favourite.
But the fucking government are raising GST so I feel entirely fucked when it comes to living coz I can't really afford to live much anymore.
My pay looks great coz it's my first job but it's not actually great, in fact, it's quite shit.
I need a new bed but will have to save up for one coz I can't afford to buy one straight off the bat. I should have gotten more money this pay coz I worked extra hours! Fuck it's all a piece of shit conspiracy.
I'm so tired I'm talking absolute shit.
I wonder if www.absoluteshit.com is still around, it was pretty good in it's time.
If it is it's probably blocked on work computers like every other cunting website.
This blog sounds like it was written by Holden Caufield, if you don't know who that is, you are my hero. He's a fucking shitty character from the biggest literary disaster of all time by JD Salinger (who is now dead thank goodness so he can't write anymore awful books, pretty sure this was the only one he wrote anyway, biggest one hit wonder of all time) The Catcher In The Rye.
He swears every 2 words or so and is so fucking angsty it's unbelieveable.
And oh goodness he uses the worst grammar and spelling and uses capitals everywhere and it's fucking ridiculous.
Anyway,
Thanks for listening.
Varelai.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
You'll never know how much I miss you
When we first met, my world was falling down around me then with a few words, you saved me.
Now, without you, my world's in pieces at my feet again but you're not here.
You were the sticks that kept my house from being washed away in a flood.
You were the Gerard to my Frank.
What can I do without you?
Pick up the pieces of my shattered heart and cellotape them back together?
It will never work the same without the piece you took.
If I had one wish, it would be to rewind the tape back to the start where things were easy and we had fun.
You're a good friend, you're only doing what I asked for.
My wish is your command, even if it broke your heart.
Trust me honey, it's breaking mine every day I can't see you or hear your voice.
The voice that was music to my ears.
The phone that used to buzz with your name, now lies silent but hope will never be lost that the buzzing may one day come again.
I see you everywhere I go in my mind, every part of my brain is infected with you.
"You're like my favourite damn disease"
We loved without the complications lovers face.
Your name feels wrong, like permission to use it is no longer mine.
I miss you more than you'll ever know and it's my fault you're gone.
Sweet irony.
Who am I kidding, you'll never read this.
You never cared much for poetry or anything I've written.
No matter what happens though, I will watch your career closely, with pride.
I still love you and always will.
V.
Now, without you, my world's in pieces at my feet again but you're not here.
You were the sticks that kept my house from being washed away in a flood.
You were the Gerard to my Frank.
What can I do without you?
Pick up the pieces of my shattered heart and cellotape them back together?
It will never work the same without the piece you took.
If I had one wish, it would be to rewind the tape back to the start where things were easy and we had fun.
You're a good friend, you're only doing what I asked for.
My wish is your command, even if it broke your heart.
Trust me honey, it's breaking mine every day I can't see you or hear your voice.
The voice that was music to my ears.
The phone that used to buzz with your name, now lies silent but hope will never be lost that the buzzing may one day come again.
I see you everywhere I go in my mind, every part of my brain is infected with you.
"You're like my favourite damn disease"
We loved without the complications lovers face.
Your name feels wrong, like permission to use it is no longer mine.
I miss you more than you'll ever know and it's my fault you're gone.
Sweet irony.
Who am I kidding, you'll never read this.
You never cared much for poetry or anything I've written.
No matter what happens though, I will watch your career closely, with pride.
I still love you and always will.
V.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Life
Hey,
It's been a while I know but I got a job and have been working hard from 8-5 every day.
It's stressful and difficult most days but have only had one day where I had to go to the bathroom and cry and that was in my second week.
It was one of those days when I couldn't think of ideas and then when I could, people were rude and wouldn't talk to me anyway.
Some days I just get home in a really bad mood which I guess for my flatmate is hard to deal with.
We're getting into a routine though although some mornings I like nothing more than breaking it to have an extra 10 minutes of sleep.
As we approach winter, every morning gets harder and harder to get up and get naked for a shower, I'd rather not lately so I've been showering at night and investing in more sleep in the mornings.
I only brought a single bed up here because it was too much hassle to move a double bed up but it looks like next pay I'll be buying a double, just coz I had a friend tell me I need a real people bed as opposed to a hobbit sized bed.
Living with a carnivor is nowhere near as bad as I imagined. The carnivor can cook very well even when it comes to vegetables and stuff so I'm pretty lucky considering.
The people at work are nice but not as nice as the people I spent the last year and a half in course with. I'll never meet nicer people.
It's an interesting environment with black humour to try and make everything okay but you get that in high pressure jobs.
Deadline sucks. I've never been organised but I'm beginning to meet it easier and easier. Some days are worse than others.
I'm lucky to be on a different deadline than the rest of the office so it's somewhat beneficial.
My flatmate is keen to get me hooked up with a guy. I dunno. I'm pretty boy-crazy right now, just coz I'm super lonely, so much so there has been more than one night of crying myself to sleep.
I miss my cat and my mum.
So anyway, having this issue with lonliness I'm developing crushes on every guy I know which is totally inappropriate but right now I can't help it.
Haven't been back home yet.
Working this Saturday but maybe next Saturday I'll have time to get down there.
Varelai.
It's been a while I know but I got a job and have been working hard from 8-5 every day.
It's stressful and difficult most days but have only had one day where I had to go to the bathroom and cry and that was in my second week.
It was one of those days when I couldn't think of ideas and then when I could, people were rude and wouldn't talk to me anyway.
Some days I just get home in a really bad mood which I guess for my flatmate is hard to deal with.
We're getting into a routine though although some mornings I like nothing more than breaking it to have an extra 10 minutes of sleep.
As we approach winter, every morning gets harder and harder to get up and get naked for a shower, I'd rather not lately so I've been showering at night and investing in more sleep in the mornings.
I only brought a single bed up here because it was too much hassle to move a double bed up but it looks like next pay I'll be buying a double, just coz I had a friend tell me I need a real people bed as opposed to a hobbit sized bed.
Living with a carnivor is nowhere near as bad as I imagined. The carnivor can cook very well even when it comes to vegetables and stuff so I'm pretty lucky considering.
The people at work are nice but not as nice as the people I spent the last year and a half in course with. I'll never meet nicer people.
It's an interesting environment with black humour to try and make everything okay but you get that in high pressure jobs.
Deadline sucks. I've never been organised but I'm beginning to meet it easier and easier. Some days are worse than others.
I'm lucky to be on a different deadline than the rest of the office so it's somewhat beneficial.
My flatmate is keen to get me hooked up with a guy. I dunno. I'm pretty boy-crazy right now, just coz I'm super lonely, so much so there has been more than one night of crying myself to sleep.
I miss my cat and my mum.
So anyway, having this issue with lonliness I'm developing crushes on every guy I know which is totally inappropriate but right now I can't help it.
Haven't been back home yet.
Working this Saturday but maybe next Saturday I'll have time to get down there.
Varelai.
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