Things I regret:
The chocolate after every meal,
The wine I thought would help me heal.
The ice creams on every hot day,
And sometimes even the cold couldn’t keep me away.
The chippies I ate while lying on the couch,
And the lollies I kept in my bag in a pouch.
The times I didn’t get up and dance,
The pizza I ate without a second glance.
The cake I ate on the day of my birth,
And at other times, increased my girth.
The times I turned down a walk,
In the mirror I can’t help but gawk.
Now I know why my pants don’t fit,
No more luxuries I’ll permit.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Saturday, December 3, 2011
The Election Blues
It’s been a week since they voted you back into power,
I’m so angry and sad, in the corner I cower,
The majority of our country can’t see the real you,
So now you can do all the evil you want to do,
Your supporters are horrible they boo and jeer,
For your opponents, it’s rude and really not fair,
This whole situation sends me into fits of rage,
But there’s nothing I can do, our country feels like a cage,
Next time will be different; we can’t give up hope,
It’s only three more years that we must cope.
I’m so angry and sad, in the corner I cower,
The majority of our country can’t see the real you,
So now you can do all the evil you want to do,
Your supporters are horrible they boo and jeer,
For your opponents, it’s rude and really not fair,
This whole situation sends me into fits of rage,
But there’s nothing I can do, our country feels like a cage,
Next time will be different; we can’t give up hope,
It’s only three more years that we must cope.
Friday, December 2, 2011
The Child Speaks
Author's note: Child abuse in New Zealand is rampant. It's horrific and it's sad. For some reason, parents in this country are so angry and no one's really sure why or how to stop it. This poem is based on this story but it's not the first and it's not the last.
It was hot, the sun was shining, the day I took my final breath.
Kids were running around the neighbourhood, screaming with joy,
But I wasn’t screaming with joy.
I was a good, happy child, I could do no harm,
But they could never see that.
They threatened me and I got scared,
I had an accident.
They were furious,
They hit me again and again and again.
I screamed as loud as I could,
Hoping someone would come, someone would save me,
But they didn’t.
I wished I could go back to the people who loved me,
I didn’t understand what I did to make these people so mad.
Now it’s too late,
The sun was shining the day my parents killed me.
It was hot, the sun was shining, the day I took my final breath.
Kids were running around the neighbourhood, screaming with joy,
But I wasn’t screaming with joy.
I was a good, happy child, I could do no harm,
But they could never see that.
They threatened me and I got scared,
I had an accident.
They were furious,
They hit me again and again and again.
I screamed as loud as I could,
Hoping someone would come, someone would save me,
But they didn’t.
I wished I could go back to the people who loved me,
I didn’t understand what I did to make these people so mad.
Now it’s too late,
The sun was shining the day my parents killed me.
Monday, November 28, 2011
The Dream
We lie naked in each other’s arms,
Lazy Sunday’s in bed together are quality time,
We read Postsecret,
Then I make breakfast.
I want to share my secrets with you,
Every single one, things I’ve never told anyone.
I can depend on you,
Trust you more than I’ve ever trusted someone.
At night, we cuddle on the couch and watch films,
Til you fall asleep in my arms, or I in yours.
Together we walk hand in hand along the beach,
Or down the road,
Or while we drive from one end of the country to the other.
My hand and my life feel empty when you’re not around,
My heart physically hurts for you,
The love is so deep, so strong,
When I find you, I’ll never let you go,
It’s forever and for always.
Lazy Sunday’s in bed together are quality time,
We read Postsecret,
Then I make breakfast.
I want to share my secrets with you,
Every single one, things I’ve never told anyone.
I can depend on you,
Trust you more than I’ve ever trusted someone.
At night, we cuddle on the couch and watch films,
Til you fall asleep in my arms, or I in yours.
Together we walk hand in hand along the beach,
Or down the road,
Or while we drive from one end of the country to the other.
My hand and my life feel empty when you’re not around,
My heart physically hurts for you,
The love is so deep, so strong,
When I find you, I’ll never let you go,
It’s forever and for always.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Intoxication
Author's note: Like the last post, this post is also fairly graphic, maybe worse. I'm not sure I'm completely happy with it though, it doesn't quite reflect my feelings accurately yet but it'll need some more thought to correct it but I'm generally happy enough to post it. It is also about a different person than the last one.
She is intoxicating,
The scent of her sweet, fruity perfume fills my nostrils,
She fills my mind and drives me crazy.
In her arms I feel safe, she comforts me.
The feel of her soft, bare flesh on mine makes me moan in ecstasy,
My hands explore her body,
It is a foreign land, of the most beautiful kind.
Lips roam and search all parts of her,
I breathe her in and commit her to memory.
She is intoxicating,
The scent of her sweet, fruity perfume fills my nostrils,
She fills my mind and drives me crazy.
In her arms I feel safe, she comforts me.
The feel of her soft, bare flesh on mine makes me moan in ecstasy,
My hands explore her body,
It is a foreign land, of the most beautiful kind.
Lips roam and search all parts of her,
I breathe her in and commit her to memory.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Lessons from the dancefloor
Author's note: This poem is kind of graphic or intimate or personal or something so you have been warned. I guess you're used to reading that kind of thing from me by now though.
It is a rough draft of the poem but also the final version. I wrote it while I was out and didn't change it so it's raw so may not be perfect but I like the way it works.
I'm sorry I haven't written an actual blog in months, I haven't felt the need but I have been writing SO much poetry, it's been awesome. Maybe I've just changed my writing style, blogging isn't doing it for me but I can't stop writing poems. Thinking about releasing a book sometime soon.
Here goes:
Twirling and swirling around the dance-floor and my mind,
She moves like a woman half her size,
Dancing with every girl but me.
She's big but beautiful,
I watch her ass shake through her skirt,
It leaves me breathless.
Drink in one hand, camera in the other,
Cigarette hanging out her mouth, she's all class.
Massive breasts roll like waves on water,
Tattooed legs dance in rhythm with the music,
She turns me on more with every move.
Oh, fat bottomed girls,
You truly do make my rockin' world go 'round.
It is a rough draft of the poem but also the final version. I wrote it while I was out and didn't change it so it's raw so may not be perfect but I like the way it works.
I'm sorry I haven't written an actual blog in months, I haven't felt the need but I have been writing SO much poetry, it's been awesome. Maybe I've just changed my writing style, blogging isn't doing it for me but I can't stop writing poems. Thinking about releasing a book sometime soon.
Here goes:
Twirling and swirling around the dance-floor and my mind,
She moves like a woman half her size,
Dancing with every girl but me.
She's big but beautiful,
I watch her ass shake through her skirt,
It leaves me breathless.
Drink in one hand, camera in the other,
Cigarette hanging out her mouth, she's all class.
Massive breasts roll like waves on water,
Tattooed legs dance in rhythm with the music,
She turns me on more with every move.
Oh, fat bottomed girls,
You truly do make my rockin' world go 'round.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
The Smiling Assassin
Key, Key, stop fucking with me,
Everything you do, I disagree.
Why must you be so cruel?
You don’t need more money to heat your pool.
Take from the poor and give to the rich,
You don’t care if we have to live in a ditch.
The smile doesn’t quite reach the eyes,
The promises continue to turn into lies.
Lie upon lie, day after day,
You don’t think marriage is okay for gays.
But people are stupid; they’re being fooled,
They’ll re-elect you ‘cause they think you’re cool.
Mr Key, I hope you’re ashamed,
Your government’s caused nothing but pain.
Keep smiling and waving, smiling and waving,
That’s the Key to the hell you’re paving.
Everything you do, I disagree.
Why must you be so cruel?
You don’t need more money to heat your pool.
Take from the poor and give to the rich,
You don’t care if we have to live in a ditch.
The smile doesn’t quite reach the eyes,
The promises continue to turn into lies.
Lie upon lie, day after day,
You don’t think marriage is okay for gays.
But people are stupid; they’re being fooled,
They’ll re-elect you ‘cause they think you’re cool.
Mr Key, I hope you’re ashamed,
Your government’s caused nothing but pain.
Keep smiling and waving, smiling and waving,
That’s the Key to the hell you’re paving.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
I walked under a bus, got hit by a train, keep falling in love which is kind of the same
Love is a bus, if you miss it, there will be another arriving in ten minutes.
If your bus is late, it is likely two busses will come at once.
When the bus is in motion, thoughts go round and round like wheels.
The first person you sit next to on the bus may not always be the one you will sit next to for the whole ride.
It is an expensive mistake if you forget to tag off.
Getting on the wrong bus will make you feel lost but you can always get off and change busses.
Sometimes your bus will break down but break downs can always be fixed with a little effort.
Sometimes lots of people have ridden the bus before you but don’t let that stop you from enjoying the ride.
Busses are heavy machinery, getting hit by them really hurts, so caution must be exercised at all times.
If your bus is late, it is likely two busses will come at once.
When the bus is in motion, thoughts go round and round like wheels.
The first person you sit next to on the bus may not always be the one you will sit next to for the whole ride.
It is an expensive mistake if you forget to tag off.
Getting on the wrong bus will make you feel lost but you can always get off and change busses.
Sometimes your bus will break down but break downs can always be fixed with a little effort.
Sometimes lots of people have ridden the bus before you but don’t let that stop you from enjoying the ride.
Busses are heavy machinery, getting hit by them really hurts, so caution must be exercised at all times.
George
In many directions the cat stretches
Before lying down on the mat
His fur glistens in the sunlight
Life is easy, making him fat
Then his nose twitches,
What does he smell?
A rat scuttles around the house
But soon it will be quelled.
He gets up slowly,
Crouches and takes aim,
Then when the moment is right
He runs with intent to maim.
But quickly he realises,
In him his owners have over-indulged
The rat runs too fast
For the cat and his belly-bulge.
He feels humiliated and mad
As he stalks back to the house
How could he be outrun and outwitted
By a creature as dumb as a mouse?
His owners sit on the couch
With a blanket over their knees
Up he jumps and wriggles around
‘Til into their blanket he can squeeze.
He feels warm and comforted
As his owners stroke his fur
Who needs stupid rats?
Purr purr purr purr.
Before lying down on the mat
His fur glistens in the sunlight
Life is easy, making him fat
Then his nose twitches,
What does he smell?
A rat scuttles around the house
But soon it will be quelled.
He gets up slowly,
Crouches and takes aim,
Then when the moment is right
He runs with intent to maim.
But quickly he realises,
In him his owners have over-indulged
The rat runs too fast
For the cat and his belly-bulge.
He feels humiliated and mad
As he stalks back to the house
How could he be outrun and outwitted
By a creature as dumb as a mouse?
His owners sit on the couch
With a blanket over their knees
Up he jumps and wriggles around
‘Til into their blanket he can squeeze.
He feels warm and comforted
As his owners stroke his fur
Who needs stupid rats?
Purr purr purr purr.
The Rainbow
You came into my life like a rainbow,
I was stuck in the middle of a storm but then out came the sun,
And there you were.
You dazzled me with your array of colours,
Colours I’d never seen in nature before,
You were so beautiful I was overwhelmed with emotion.
You stuck around for a while,
As did my smile,
But then you were gone again all too soon.
Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet all faded to grey,
But I did not mourn that you were gone,
I gave thanks that you lit up my life for as long as you were here.
I was stuck in the middle of a storm but then out came the sun,
And there you were.
You dazzled me with your array of colours,
Colours I’d never seen in nature before,
You were so beautiful I was overwhelmed with emotion.
You stuck around for a while,
As did my smile,
But then you were gone again all too soon.
Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet all faded to grey,
But I did not mourn that you were gone,
I gave thanks that you lit up my life for as long as you were here.
Wellington
The sun shines over the city I call home,
The blue ocean sparkles around the edges of the land,
Green hills surround her, covered in houses.
No area remains untouched by human hands,
Or unseen by human eyes,
But she is as beautiful now as she ever was,
I see her from afar and my heart sings,
No matter how long I’ve been away,
I am blown back to her,
And she calls to me “welcome home”.
The blue ocean sparkles around the edges of the land,
Green hills surround her, covered in houses.
No area remains untouched by human hands,
Or unseen by human eyes,
But she is as beautiful now as she ever was,
I see her from afar and my heart sings,
No matter how long I’ve been away,
I am blown back to her,
And she calls to me “welcome home”.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Confusion, always confusion
Thoughts of you swirl in my head,
bringing questions I was certain I had put to bed.
Just when I thought I knew,
the answers were mine but there was you.
You came into my life so fast it made my head spin,
then disappeared just as quick, it should be a sin.
You left in your path a web of confusion in my brain,
I don't know if I can do this to myself again.
Wrong time, wrong place,
once again it'll end in disgrace.
I like you but you're someone I've only just met,
the only way this can end is with regret.
You felt so good in my arms,
warm and comforting, I could come to no harm.
But then again, so did he,
now, once more the decision is up to me.
bringing questions I was certain I had put to bed.
Just when I thought I knew,
the answers were mine but there was you.
You came into my life so fast it made my head spin,
then disappeared just as quick, it should be a sin.
You left in your path a web of confusion in my brain,
I don't know if I can do this to myself again.
Wrong time, wrong place,
once again it'll end in disgrace.
I like you but you're someone I've only just met,
the only way this can end is with regret.
You felt so good in my arms,
warm and comforting, I could come to no harm.
But then again, so did he,
now, once more the decision is up to me.
Friday, August 26, 2011
The Mountain
Life is a mountain
I climb and climb and climb.
I get to the top, conquering all:
All my fears and all my goals
All the steep rises and falls.
I can move no further,
I have taken a long, winding road,
only to look around
and find the reward I was promised,
shrouded in cloud.
I don't see anything, I just see grey
Cold, wet, wispy hands wrap around me,
The freezing wind shoves me backwards and forwards
The view from the top is not all it's cracked up to be.
I climb and climb and climb.
I get to the top, conquering all:
All my fears and all my goals
All the steep rises and falls.
I can move no further,
I have taken a long, winding road,
only to look around
and find the reward I was promised,
shrouded in cloud.
I don't see anything, I just see grey
Cold, wet, wispy hands wrap around me,
The freezing wind shoves me backwards and forwards
The view from the top is not all it's cracked up to be.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Clarity
A lot of things are really unclear for me right now.
On Friday I crashed my car. I'm okay, the lady in the other car was okay. Both cars are more or less okay. One of my indicator lights is broken and I swiped the side of her car. It was rainy and foggy and I didn't see her.
At least she didn't yell.
Earlier that week I swiped someone's side mirror off and got a call from the police saying they wouldn't press charges but that I needed to buy this person a new mirror.
Needless to say, I don't really feel like driving right now, in fact, I have quit, I mean not to drive anymore for the forseeable future.
Without a car I feel trapped, isolated, disabled and empty. I've never been afraid of driving, even when I was 10 and learning on the farm. It scares me to be scared of something I've always loved. I've always been a natural driver, it's always been second nature to me to drive.
I've been working two jobs for two weeks now. A job in the morning from 9-12 then a second job from 3-8pm. Clearly working two jobs has made me so tired I can barely even drive or concentrate. Which is problematic, given one of my jobs WAS driving. My night job was driving around town delivering weed to customers. I've had to give it up now obviously because of my new found fear of driving but in fact, this was a job I REALLY enjoyed, it's the best job I've ever had because I loved driving, it was not only my ONLY hobby, it was a passion and it was my job.
Then there's the people I met on the job, I really liked them. There were a few people in particular I liked more than others. People I really cared about. One guy in particular, I got along really well with and I miss him already. I loved his personality but like the rest of them, he is addicted to weed and that is an issue for me, having a father who has been addicted to the stuff for 30 years. But I really like him.
My sexuality has been debatable for some time and why should this situation be any different?
There's a girl. There's always a girl and a guy. To confuse you and to confuse me.
I think with the girl, the feelings are the natural feelings I get for the majority of my new friends. I often get feelings for new female friends. I can't help it, it's just one of the stages of friendship for me. So I have a slight crush on her. She's gorgeous, anyone with eyes can see that and no one would blame me. She's funny and intelligent. It's just how it goes. Our friendship will deepen, I'll come out of the honeymoon phase and we'll just be friends, with a really close, good friendship.
I feel like I have a chance with the guy, I don't know much about him, he makes me laugh. I don't even know if he has a girlfriend. I guess I need to get his number and find out all the things I want to know. I want to just ask him to lunch or dinner or something. Get to know him, ya know.
In the past few months I've realised that sometimes in life, you meet someone that you just IMMEDIATELY connect with. Someone you know you love from the word go, whether that love is friendly or romantic, you just know. Both of these new people I have felt an immediate connection to.
I met someone else not so long ago and it was clear from the word go that that connection WASN'T there. There was no spark, no glue, no gel holding us together. But that is not like these people, we laugh, we talk with ease.
So yea, a lot of things are really unclear for me right now.
On Friday I crashed my car. I'm okay, the lady in the other car was okay. Both cars are more or less okay. One of my indicator lights is broken and I swiped the side of her car. It was rainy and foggy and I didn't see her.
At least she didn't yell.
Earlier that week I swiped someone's side mirror off and got a call from the police saying they wouldn't press charges but that I needed to buy this person a new mirror.
Needless to say, I don't really feel like driving right now, in fact, I have quit, I mean not to drive anymore for the forseeable future.
Without a car I feel trapped, isolated, disabled and empty. I've never been afraid of driving, even when I was 10 and learning on the farm. It scares me to be scared of something I've always loved. I've always been a natural driver, it's always been second nature to me to drive.
I've been working two jobs for two weeks now. A job in the morning from 9-12 then a second job from 3-8pm. Clearly working two jobs has made me so tired I can barely even drive or concentrate. Which is problematic, given one of my jobs WAS driving. My night job was driving around town delivering weed to customers. I've had to give it up now obviously because of my new found fear of driving but in fact, this was a job I REALLY enjoyed, it's the best job I've ever had because I loved driving, it was not only my ONLY hobby, it was a passion and it was my job.
Then there's the people I met on the job, I really liked them. There were a few people in particular I liked more than others. People I really cared about. One guy in particular, I got along really well with and I miss him already. I loved his personality but like the rest of them, he is addicted to weed and that is an issue for me, having a father who has been addicted to the stuff for 30 years. But I really like him.
My sexuality has been debatable for some time and why should this situation be any different?
There's a girl. There's always a girl and a guy. To confuse you and to confuse me.
I think with the girl, the feelings are the natural feelings I get for the majority of my new friends. I often get feelings for new female friends. I can't help it, it's just one of the stages of friendship for me. So I have a slight crush on her. She's gorgeous, anyone with eyes can see that and no one would blame me. She's funny and intelligent. It's just how it goes. Our friendship will deepen, I'll come out of the honeymoon phase and we'll just be friends, with a really close, good friendship.
I feel like I have a chance with the guy, I don't know much about him, he makes me laugh. I don't even know if he has a girlfriend. I guess I need to get his number and find out all the things I want to know. I want to just ask him to lunch or dinner or something. Get to know him, ya know.
In the past few months I've realised that sometimes in life, you meet someone that you just IMMEDIATELY connect with. Someone you know you love from the word go, whether that love is friendly or romantic, you just know. Both of these new people I have felt an immediate connection to.
I met someone else not so long ago and it was clear from the word go that that connection WASN'T there. There was no spark, no glue, no gel holding us together. But that is not like these people, we laugh, we talk with ease.
So yea, a lot of things are really unclear for me right now.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Impulsivity
I seem to be getting more and more impulsive.
Quitting university was a very impulsive decision.
I seem to be making decisions now, without really thinking them out at all and how they'll work out with my schedule.
Impulsivity, as I learnt at university, is related to psychopathy. Am I a psychopath because I'm impulsive? Am I becoming more psychopathic as I become more impulsive?
I'm buying things without thinking about whether or not I have enough money and even if I know I don't have enough money, I'm buying stuff anyway.
I'm committing to things without thinking but maybe previously in my life I've thought too much and a bit of impulsivity will be useful in my life.
It relates back to How I Met Your Mother again, funnily enough, Ted thinks too much, he doesn't DO, he thinks. I've always been a thinker too, never just DOING things, always over thinking everything but now I'm becoming impulsive and it's getting scary. I'm so out of my depth, I'm taking uncalculated risks and that makes my heart pound in my chest. I have NO idea what I'm getting myself into in some areas of my life and I'm scared. I'm somewhat excited but not thinking can NEVER lead to anything good. All angles must be discovered, all facts taken into account before decisions are made but right now, I'm not doing that.
Agh!
V.
Quitting university was a very impulsive decision.
I seem to be making decisions now, without really thinking them out at all and how they'll work out with my schedule.
Impulsivity, as I learnt at university, is related to psychopathy. Am I a psychopath because I'm impulsive? Am I becoming more psychopathic as I become more impulsive?
I'm buying things without thinking about whether or not I have enough money and even if I know I don't have enough money, I'm buying stuff anyway.
I'm committing to things without thinking but maybe previously in my life I've thought too much and a bit of impulsivity will be useful in my life.
It relates back to How I Met Your Mother again, funnily enough, Ted thinks too much, he doesn't DO, he thinks. I've always been a thinker too, never just DOING things, always over thinking everything but now I'm becoming impulsive and it's getting scary. I'm so out of my depth, I'm taking uncalculated risks and that makes my heart pound in my chest. I have NO idea what I'm getting myself into in some areas of my life and I'm scared. I'm somewhat excited but not thinking can NEVER lead to anything good. All angles must be discovered, all facts taken into account before decisions are made but right now, I'm not doing that.
Agh!
V.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Fate
Hey guys,
I know I'm useless and stopped the 30 day challenge but I had a lot of other stuff going on and was very busy.
Today I want to blog about fate. I've been watching a lot of the show How I Met Your Mother lately, a show that focuses on hindsight and all the events that led up to Ted meeting the mother of his children.
We learn in this show that if Ted or his friends do or don't do certain things, their lives may not have ended up the way they did, which may have led to Ted not meeting the mother of his children. By the way, I call her "the mother of his children" because we never actually find out how Ted meets this woman and we never actually find out who this woman is but we follow all the events up till that day.
For example, Ted got a job offer in Chicago (by the way, this story IS going somewhere), but he and his girlfriend missed the flight because he had to go to court because he jumped over a turnstyle because he had to save Barney from the train because Barney's legs stopped working because he ran a marathon because Marshall couldn't run it because Marshall broke his toe and it just goes on and on like that. So the story goes that if one event hadn't happened, the rest wouldn't have happened and perhaps he would have caught the flight to Chicago, got the job and then he would not have met the children's mother because he meets her in New York.
So, now for the point. Yesterday I quit university. Some of you will now be saying/thinking "WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK". Yes, I know. It wasn't the most logical or rational decision I've ever made but it happened and it's too late to go back now.
I guess I need to explain why I quit before I go on to the idea of fate (although some of you may already have some idea where this is going).
I quit university because I don't enjoy writing essays, I felt lonely there because you are constantly expected to work independently, you don't have colleagues to work with or talk to like in an office and I wasn't happy in general. Also, I missed the money you get when you work. I didn't know why I was there so I figured I had no reason to be there in the first place.
So I lay awake one sleepless night and thought about my options and thought "I'm going to quit university and get a job". Of course, it's not that EASY to get a job and I found that out last time when it took me 6 months but I had forgotten that fact at the time.
So now we know that I've quit university and my reasons for doing so. So let's go back to last night when I lay on the couch and walked around the house thinking "SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT, what the fuck have I done?!?!?!" I was feeling depressed and empty. I had lost direction in my life because I had no idea what I was going to now do with my life. University was my plan for the next three years and now I don't have a plan.
Then I thought back to How I Met Your Mother. What if my decision to quit university was what was MEANT to happen? What if quitting university leads to the next huge event in my life? What if I meet my life partner because I get a job where she is? I wouldn't have got that job and met her had I still been at university. See, fate.
Then today, someone on Facebook I went to school with, posted a video about the school in 2009. It looked like so much fun, all my classmates all having fun. Then I thought, well, maybe I shouldn't have left school because if I hadn't left school, I would have been experiencing those fun times with those people. BUT then I remember what I was doing in 2009. I met some of the most amazing people I know because I chose to leave school. I don't regret a thing about that year while I was getting my diploma with 26 or so amazing people. It was fate that I left school, sure I didn't get those REALLY fun experiences with those classmates but I had fun all the same. If I hadn't got my diploma with those people, so many things wouldn't have happened and my life would be SO different. Plus, that video is just a trailer for a movie, the movie of life that year. In trailers only all the best bits are shown, the shit bits are not and I'm sure for that 4 minutes of video, that time when fun things happened, there were exams and tests and fights and drama and BAD stuff and boring bits that all happen in the movies. The trailer is a misleading portrayal of the events of that year so maybe I wasn't missing that much after all.
So I just hope that my leaving university, a decision I AM kind of regretting right now, was the right thing to do and will lead to more amazing stuff. That's the thing about hindsight, everything is so much clearer and you can see all angles, angles you can't see in the present. In hindsight, leaving school was the right decision, I hope in a year or two I can look back and in hindsight decide that leaving university was also fate and also the RIGHT decision.
V.
I know I'm useless and stopped the 30 day challenge but I had a lot of other stuff going on and was very busy.
Today I want to blog about fate. I've been watching a lot of the show How I Met Your Mother lately, a show that focuses on hindsight and all the events that led up to Ted meeting the mother of his children.
We learn in this show that if Ted or his friends do or don't do certain things, their lives may not have ended up the way they did, which may have led to Ted not meeting the mother of his children. By the way, I call her "the mother of his children" because we never actually find out how Ted meets this woman and we never actually find out who this woman is but we follow all the events up till that day.
For example, Ted got a job offer in Chicago (by the way, this story IS going somewhere), but he and his girlfriend missed the flight because he had to go to court because he jumped over a turnstyle because he had to save Barney from the train because Barney's legs stopped working because he ran a marathon because Marshall couldn't run it because Marshall broke his toe and it just goes on and on like that. So the story goes that if one event hadn't happened, the rest wouldn't have happened and perhaps he would have caught the flight to Chicago, got the job and then he would not have met the children's mother because he meets her in New York.
So, now for the point. Yesterday I quit university. Some of you will now be saying/thinking "WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK". Yes, I know. It wasn't the most logical or rational decision I've ever made but it happened and it's too late to go back now.
I guess I need to explain why I quit before I go on to the idea of fate (although some of you may already have some idea where this is going).
I quit university because I don't enjoy writing essays, I felt lonely there because you are constantly expected to work independently, you don't have colleagues to work with or talk to like in an office and I wasn't happy in general. Also, I missed the money you get when you work. I didn't know why I was there so I figured I had no reason to be there in the first place.
So I lay awake one sleepless night and thought about my options and thought "I'm going to quit university and get a job". Of course, it's not that EASY to get a job and I found that out last time when it took me 6 months but I had forgotten that fact at the time.
So now we know that I've quit university and my reasons for doing so. So let's go back to last night when I lay on the couch and walked around the house thinking "SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT, what the fuck have I done?!?!?!" I was feeling depressed and empty. I had lost direction in my life because I had no idea what I was going to now do with my life. University was my plan for the next three years and now I don't have a plan.
Then I thought back to How I Met Your Mother. What if my decision to quit university was what was MEANT to happen? What if quitting university leads to the next huge event in my life? What if I meet my life partner because I get a job where she is? I wouldn't have got that job and met her had I still been at university. See, fate.
Then today, someone on Facebook I went to school with, posted a video about the school in 2009. It looked like so much fun, all my classmates all having fun. Then I thought, well, maybe I shouldn't have left school because if I hadn't left school, I would have been experiencing those fun times with those people. BUT then I remember what I was doing in 2009. I met some of the most amazing people I know because I chose to leave school. I don't regret a thing about that year while I was getting my diploma with 26 or so amazing people. It was fate that I left school, sure I didn't get those REALLY fun experiences with those classmates but I had fun all the same. If I hadn't got my diploma with those people, so many things wouldn't have happened and my life would be SO different. Plus, that video is just a trailer for a movie, the movie of life that year. In trailers only all the best bits are shown, the shit bits are not and I'm sure for that 4 minutes of video, that time when fun things happened, there were exams and tests and fights and drama and BAD stuff and boring bits that all happen in the movies. The trailer is a misleading portrayal of the events of that year so maybe I wasn't missing that much after all.
So I just hope that my leaving university, a decision I AM kind of regretting right now, was the right thing to do and will lead to more amazing stuff. That's the thing about hindsight, everything is so much clearer and you can see all angles, angles you can't see in the present. In hindsight, leaving school was the right decision, I hope in a year or two I can look back and in hindsight decide that leaving university was also fate and also the RIGHT decision.
V.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Drugs and alcohol
Hey there,
Today's topic is "Your views on drugs and alcohol", this is day 10. 1/3rd of the way there!
Well, my views in general are that people should be able to do whatever they want as long as they're not hurting anyone else.
I have no problem with drugs such as weed because it is generally pretty harmless and makes people pretty laid back generally.
Alcohol is fine as long as you don't get out of control. I know people who could be considered alcoholics because they drink almost daily, get wasted and become harmful to themselves, which then effects the people around them.
That is what you don't want.
I've heard people say that perhaps weed should be legalised and alcohol should be made illegal because when someone's high on weed, they don't get in the car and drive, possibly causing an accident and killing someone like when someone drives drunk. They also don't get high and beat their wives like some men do when drunk.
On the other hand, weed can cause schitzophrenia and other mental disorders, which are harmful to a person's life.
In the end, I think it's up to choice and responsibility. If you are going to drink or do drugs, you should ensure you do it responsibly so you don't hurt anyone else in the process. Know your limits, don't get COMPLETELY trashed. There's no point in that.
V.
Today's topic is "Your views on drugs and alcohol", this is day 10. 1/3rd of the way there!
Well, my views in general are that people should be able to do whatever they want as long as they're not hurting anyone else.
I have no problem with drugs such as weed because it is generally pretty harmless and makes people pretty laid back generally.
Alcohol is fine as long as you don't get out of control. I know people who could be considered alcoholics because they drink almost daily, get wasted and become harmful to themselves, which then effects the people around them.
That is what you don't want.
I've heard people say that perhaps weed should be legalised and alcohol should be made illegal because when someone's high on weed, they don't get in the car and drive, possibly causing an accident and killing someone like when someone drives drunk. They also don't get high and beat their wives like some men do when drunk.
On the other hand, weed can cause schitzophrenia and other mental disorders, which are harmful to a person's life.
In the end, I think it's up to choice and responsibility. If you are going to drink or do drugs, you should ensure you do it responsibly so you don't hurt anyone else in the process. Know your limits, don't get COMPLETELY trashed. There's no point in that.
V.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
The Last Kiss
Today in the thirty day challenge the statement to talk about is "your last kiss".
It was two years ago. Can you believe that?
She was gorgeous. She was not my girlfriend. It felt kind of like a one night stand but it was just a little intimate kissing.
We didn't speak again after that day. We weren't very good friends anyway, we were more like associates I guess. I don't hate her though. We had a great time that night, we were both feeling a little sexual so we acted on that.
I just can't believe it's been so long, I need some mouth to mouth action!
V.
It was two years ago. Can you believe that?
She was gorgeous. She was not my girlfriend. It felt kind of like a one night stand but it was just a little intimate kissing.
We didn't speak again after that day. We weren't very good friends anyway, we were more like associates I guess. I don't hate her though. We had a great time that night, we were both feeling a little sexual so we acted on that.
I just can't believe it's been so long, I need some mouth to mouth action!
V.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Worry
Today's topic for the 30 day challenge is "Something you're worried about".
I'm worried about university, it's a constant worry for me now days. It's essay after essay after essay and I'm not sure I can get them finished. I have one that just needs another 100 words out of 1000 so just needs a conclusion but then after that I'll have 12 days to write another three essays. I thought 10 days for one was bad but now, fuck.
Worry will probably make me sick, which will make me more incapable of doing essays.
Also, I need glasses that are still a week away! I can't read large amounts until I get them.
V.
I'm worried about university, it's a constant worry for me now days. It's essay after essay after essay and I'm not sure I can get them finished. I have one that just needs another 100 words out of 1000 so just needs a conclusion but then after that I'll have 12 days to write another three essays. I thought 10 days for one was bad but now, fuck.
Worry will probably make me sick, which will make me more incapable of doing essays.
Also, I need glasses that are still a week away! I can't read large amounts until I get them.
V.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Cheating
Today's topic is "Your opinion on cheating on people".
This is easy because I have a very strong opinion on this. It's wrong. WRONG, WRONG, WROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG.
If you love someone, cheating on them is fucking wrong.
Even if you're not IN love with your partner, it's wrong to cheat on them because it hurts them and you have no right to hurt another human being in that way. They may love you, in which case, it'll break their heart.
I know people who have cheated on their partners and have no problem with it and will continue to do it.
As someone who has been cheated on by both of the partners I've had in my life, I guess this issue is very close to my heart. I guess when you feel sexually drawn to someone even though you already have a partner, the only thing you can do is to THINK about how you'd feel if you were cheated on by someone you love.
If not, fine, cheat but I think you're really horrible if you do. Stay single if you can't stop yourself from cheating because then you'll never have to worry about breaking someone's heart when you do sleep with a million different people.
V.
This is easy because I have a very strong opinion on this. It's wrong. WRONG, WRONG, WROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG.
If you love someone, cheating on them is fucking wrong.
Even if you're not IN love with your partner, it's wrong to cheat on them because it hurts them and you have no right to hurt another human being in that way. They may love you, in which case, it'll break their heart.
I know people who have cheated on their partners and have no problem with it and will continue to do it.
As someone who has been cheated on by both of the partners I've had in my life, I guess this issue is very close to my heart. I guess when you feel sexually drawn to someone even though you already have a partner, the only thing you can do is to THINK about how you'd feel if you were cheated on by someone you love.
If not, fine, cheat but I think you're really horrible if you do. Stay single if you can't stop yourself from cheating because then you'll never have to worry about breaking someone's heart when you do sleep with a million different people.
V.
Liking someone
Hey.
I'm not very good at this 30 day challenge. Yesterday's topic of conversation is "The person you like and why you like them".
Well, I've liked him for 2 years and haven't told him so I don't think it'd be wise to tell everyone here who he is but the reason I like him is because he is everything I want in a person, he's funny, intelligent and good looking. He has bad points, he's a womaniser, he's arrogant and he can be a total jerk, which is partly why I wouldn't ever tell him how I feel because he would probably be a jerk about it and would never speak to me again.
So that's him. He also has a girlfriend so what's the point in telling him anyway?
V.
I'm not very good at this 30 day challenge. Yesterday's topic of conversation is "The person you like and why you like them".
Well, I've liked him for 2 years and haven't told him so I don't think it'd be wise to tell everyone here who he is but the reason I like him is because he is everything I want in a person, he's funny, intelligent and good looking. He has bad points, he's a womaniser, he's arrogant and he can be a total jerk, which is partly why I wouldn't ever tell him how I feel because he would probably be a jerk about it and would never speak to me again.
So that's him. He also has a girlfriend so what's the point in telling him anyway?
V.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Irritation
Hey all,
Today's post is "5 things that irritate you about the opposite/same sex" and this is not as easy as I thought it would be.
Number one thing that annoys me about humans of either sex is that they're untrustworthy, for example, I never really want to be in a relationship because there is a big chance the other person will cheat on me. I'm not sure why humans feel the need to do this but they do. They're quite content to tell someone they love them and then go and have sex with a random person straight after. It's mind blowing to me.
Number two: Men irritate me when they act ignorantly towards the way women are feeling. Like, I know you're another gender but that doesn't make you a fucking alien from out of space, it's obvious when we're uncomfortable with your questions or angry or sad so do the right thing and comfort us!
Number three: Girls, you irritate me with your superiority complex towards other girls, you are not better than me. I'm not sure what makes you think you are, whether it's because you dress better or are better looking or even have more money than me but you're not better than me. If you take the time to get to know me, you'll know that you're not better than me, we're equals so get over your catty problems.
That's actually all I can think of.
Maybe one day I'll add more.
I have a week to finish my assignment that I started today, it's 1000 words.
V.
Today's post is "5 things that irritate you about the opposite/same sex" and this is not as easy as I thought it would be.
Number one thing that annoys me about humans of either sex is that they're untrustworthy, for example, I never really want to be in a relationship because there is a big chance the other person will cheat on me. I'm not sure why humans feel the need to do this but they do. They're quite content to tell someone they love them and then go and have sex with a random person straight after. It's mind blowing to me.
Number two: Men irritate me when they act ignorantly towards the way women are feeling. Like, I know you're another gender but that doesn't make you a fucking alien from out of space, it's obvious when we're uncomfortable with your questions or angry or sad so do the right thing and comfort us!
Number three: Girls, you irritate me with your superiority complex towards other girls, you are not better than me. I'm not sure what makes you think you are, whether it's because you dress better or are better looking or even have more money than me but you're not better than me. If you take the time to get to know me, you'll know that you're not better than me, we're equals so get over your catty problems.
That's actually all I can think of.
Maybe one day I'll add more.
I have a week to finish my assignment that I started today, it's 1000 words.
V.
Bedtime!
Hey all,
I know I'm a day late so I'll have to write two of these today.
Today's question is "What do you wear to bed?"
The answer is pajamas, they're not always matching or around the right way but they're pajamas all the same. I sometimes wear nothing in summer if it's really hot but now it's getting colder, PJ's are necessary.
Next post in 10 minutes!
V.
I know I'm a day late so I'll have to write two of these today.
Today's question is "What do you wear to bed?"
The answer is pajamas, they're not always matching or around the right way but they're pajamas all the same. I sometimes wear nothing in summer if it's really hot but now it's getting colder, PJ's are necessary.
Next post in 10 minutes!
V.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Attraction
Hey all,
Question today for day three: "What kind of person attracts you?"
Lucky this is a very simple answer.
Rich people.
Just joking.
My answer is, anyone who is funny, intelligent, able to have their own opinions and relatively good looking is my perfect person.
They may be male or female but I'd prefer they were within my current age range, which is 18-24, anyone older and I find them hard to relate to because of the different experiences I've had in my life compared to them.
Recently I met a guy who was not overly good looking but he was SOOOO sarcastic and quick witted and made me laugh SO much that his looks didn't even matter. So even looks can be replaced with other great qualities like humour and intelligence.
In saying that though, intelligence by itself won't win any points so it's a bit of a mixed bag.
See you tomorrow.
V.
Question today for day three: "What kind of person attracts you?"
Lucky this is a very simple answer.
Rich people.
Just joking.
My answer is, anyone who is funny, intelligent, able to have their own opinions and relatively good looking is my perfect person.
They may be male or female but I'd prefer they were within my current age range, which is 18-24, anyone older and I find them hard to relate to because of the different experiences I've had in my life compared to them.
Recently I met a guy who was not overly good looking but he was SOOOO sarcastic and quick witted and made me laugh SO much that his looks didn't even matter. So even looks can be replaced with other great qualities like humour and intelligence.
In saying that though, intelligence by itself won't win any points so it's a bit of a mixed bag.
See you tomorrow.
V.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Day two, ch-ch-changes
Hey,
Today in the 30 day challenge, the statement to talk about is: "How have you changed in the past two years?"
Two years is not a very long time. I don't think I've changed a huge amount in 2 years. Friends have come and gone but whether or not the reason they have gone was because of changes in me, is another thing that's completely debatable.
One of the changes in me is that two years ago, I thought I wanted to be a Journalist, I no longer know if that's what I want to do, but that's why I'm going to university, to find out what my life goal actually IS.
My hair has grown in the last two years. As I pointed out to people recently, I have been asked a lot lately if my drivers licence is a fake ID because I look so different on there to how I look now and that was only a picture from 2009.
I think that's all I can think of tonight. My theory on this challenge is the answers should be mostly short answers, unless asked otherwise, so that's what you'll get.
V.
Today in the 30 day challenge, the statement to talk about is: "How have you changed in the past two years?"
Two years is not a very long time. I don't think I've changed a huge amount in 2 years. Friends have come and gone but whether or not the reason they have gone was because of changes in me, is another thing that's completely debatable.
One of the changes in me is that two years ago, I thought I wanted to be a Journalist, I no longer know if that's what I want to do, but that's why I'm going to university, to find out what my life goal actually IS.
My hair has grown in the last two years. As I pointed out to people recently, I have been asked a lot lately if my drivers licence is a fake ID because I look so different on there to how I look now and that was only a picture from 2009.
I think that's all I can think of tonight. My theory on this challenge is the answers should be mostly short answers, unless asked otherwise, so that's what you'll get.
V.
Friday, March 18, 2011
30 Day Challenge
Hey guys,
I found this on someone's Tumbler today. Actually, let's be honest here. Someone was on someone's Tumbler during a lecture at university and I was sitting behind them and I thought it was fascinating.
So here it is, I'm about to start a 30 day challenge where I answer a question every day. It'll give my blog a daily kinda feel that it hasn't had, well, ever.
So number one is "Weird things you do when you're alone."
I can see already how dangerous this could become...
I guess the weirdest thing I do when I'm alone is talk to myself. I also listen to music out loud and sing along. Pretty normal stuff for people who are alone. The answer in previous years would have been a bit more dodgy but in the last few years I've calmed down a lot and straightened up.
I hope this project will be fascinating for all you people out there reading this. I also have a 365 day photo project going on, which I've been doing for 127 days today, so that's another priority for things I have to do each day, just bear with me!
Thanks,
V.
I found this on someone's Tumbler today. Actually, let's be honest here. Someone was on someone's Tumbler during a lecture at university and I was sitting behind them and I thought it was fascinating.
So here it is, I'm about to start a 30 day challenge where I answer a question every day. It'll give my blog a daily kinda feel that it hasn't had, well, ever.
So number one is "Weird things you do when you're alone."
I can see already how dangerous this could become...
I guess the weirdest thing I do when I'm alone is talk to myself. I also listen to music out loud and sing along. Pretty normal stuff for people who are alone. The answer in previous years would have been a bit more dodgy but in the last few years I've calmed down a lot and straightened up.
I hope this project will be fascinating for all you people out there reading this. I also have a 365 day photo project going on, which I've been doing for 127 days today, so that's another priority for things I have to do each day, just bear with me!
Thanks,
V.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Age gaps and nudity
The question today is: How old is too old?
I’m almost 20, how many years backward and forward am I allowed to look at when I’m looking for a date?
Am I allowed to date a 15 year old? Am I allowed to date a 34 year old?
What’s right and what’s wrong?
I’ve seen some hot people in school uniforms (college age), is that too young now that I’ve been out of school for 2 years?
The reason I ask is that when I went on the naked photoshoot a few weeks ago, I met a guy who took a liking to me and we’ve since gone out for drinks and talked for a few hours about life. We had another meeting today, where we talked some more and just enjoyed each other’s company. The issue is that he’s turning 34 this year, while I’m only turning 20 so it may be a bit too old for me. That’s a 14 year age gap.
It doesn’t seem like that much when we’re together, we chat about things, he’s very knowledgeable so you can tell he’s been to university and has had some life experience but we’re honest with each other and have fun just chatting and drinking flash beer.
Before the naked photoshoot, I was quite afraid of men. They’ve always been intimidating to me, I constantly worried about their intentions and worried they would want to have sex with me or act violently towards me, maybe even rape me but after the photoshoot, I felt comfortable around men.
I guess being naked takes away all barriers, it was so liberating, I felt free but I also felt like, although my whole body was on show, no one was looking at me, no one was taking any notice of my nakedness, they just ignored it like it wasn’t there, just like I mostly ignored theirs.
It wasn’t a turn on either, I kind of expected it to be but it was just like being around a bunch of clothed people. It helped that there were not a lot of attractive people in the group, they were mostly old and/or overweight. Some of them had been naked for so long, gravity had taken hold of all their parts and dragged them down.
So it wasn’t a great sight but it was interesting.
I think this guy and I can be more open with each other because we’ve seen each other naked, so in theory, we have nothing to hide and there’s no awkwardness about many things, sex being one of them. We can openly talk about sex and it would probably be easy to have sex together because the scariness of your partner seeing you naked for the first time, is removed.
Also, note to self: Do not sunbathe naked for 4 hours on a 30 degree day after only applying sunscreen once. VERY VERY bad burns result.
V.
I’m almost 20, how many years backward and forward am I allowed to look at when I’m looking for a date?
Am I allowed to date a 15 year old? Am I allowed to date a 34 year old?
What’s right and what’s wrong?
I’ve seen some hot people in school uniforms (college age), is that too young now that I’ve been out of school for 2 years?
The reason I ask is that when I went on the naked photoshoot a few weeks ago, I met a guy who took a liking to me and we’ve since gone out for drinks and talked for a few hours about life. We had another meeting today, where we talked some more and just enjoyed each other’s company. The issue is that he’s turning 34 this year, while I’m only turning 20 so it may be a bit too old for me. That’s a 14 year age gap.
It doesn’t seem like that much when we’re together, we chat about things, he’s very knowledgeable so you can tell he’s been to university and has had some life experience but we’re honest with each other and have fun just chatting and drinking flash beer.
Before the naked photoshoot, I was quite afraid of men. They’ve always been intimidating to me, I constantly worried about their intentions and worried they would want to have sex with me or act violently towards me, maybe even rape me but after the photoshoot, I felt comfortable around men.
I guess being naked takes away all barriers, it was so liberating, I felt free but I also felt like, although my whole body was on show, no one was looking at me, no one was taking any notice of my nakedness, they just ignored it like it wasn’t there, just like I mostly ignored theirs.
It wasn’t a turn on either, I kind of expected it to be but it was just like being around a bunch of clothed people. It helped that there were not a lot of attractive people in the group, they were mostly old and/or overweight. Some of them had been naked for so long, gravity had taken hold of all their parts and dragged them down.
So it wasn’t a great sight but it was interesting.
I think this guy and I can be more open with each other because we’ve seen each other naked, so in theory, we have nothing to hide and there’s no awkwardness about many things, sex being one of them. We can openly talk about sex and it would probably be easy to have sex together because the scariness of your partner seeing you naked for the first time, is removed.
Also, note to self: Do not sunbathe naked for 4 hours on a 30 degree day after only applying sunscreen once. VERY VERY bad burns result.
V.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
A Day in the Life of Me
It’s funny how humans are creatures of habit. Every day I do the exact same thing.
I know I’ve written a similar blog about this kind of thing before but I guess this one is also kind of “A Day in the Life of Me”.
So, every morning I wake up at what my alarm says is 6:30am but is actually more like 6:20am or slightly earlier because I keep my alarm clock running 10 minutes fast.
I roll around for a while and say “nughghgh, it can’t be time to wake up already” then I stay in bed till it’s about 6:40am just listening to ZM’s Morning Crew for a few minutes before going to have a shower.
I pee then have my shower (also a routine, eg: I wash my body in the same order every day with the same body wash) for 10 minutes then I get out, dry myself, walk back to my room and slip back into bed so I don’t get cold.
I continue to listen to The Crew while I’m getting dressed into my work clothes. When I’m dressed, I go out into the lounge and turn on the computer, it is now 6:57am in real time.
I check Hotmail first to see if anyone cares enough to email me, then I check Facebook and sometimes Twitter if I get time.
By this time, it’s usually about 7:20 so I brush my teeth, make sure my bag is packed with some healthy snacks and a good book then I get in my car, listening to the same CD most days (or my Ipod before it broke) and drive to the Trentham railway station.
I park in the same place at the railway station as I do every day and sit at the there for a few minutes listening to music until 7:37am and then I take out my car stereo and put it in my bag, then grab my bags and go to the platform.
At 7:44am, the train comes (sometimes it’s a little bit later but never earlier) and I get on and read my book till we get to Wellington.
At Wellington I put my book in my bag and get off the train. I sometimes walk to New World and buy a danish if I’m hungry, otherwise I walk out of the station and up the hill to work.
When I get to work, I go up to the 3rd floor in the lift and walk to my desk, turn on the computer and read the Dominion Post for about an hour.
It’s now about 9:30/10am and I check my emails and respond to anything that needs responding to. I then make coffee or have a glass of cold water and a No-Doz caffeine pill so I’m awake for the day.
I then have a briefing with my boss who tells me what to do for the day and I do it, only stopping to check Hotmail, Facebook and Stuff a few times during the day.
At 12pm I have lunch, which is usually a sandwich from New World’s deli, which they allow you to choose 4 salad ingredients and one spread. Usually, being a creature of habit, I have cheese, lettuce, tomato and sprouts with honey mustard sauce on multi-grain bread.
Sometimes I’ll also have a raspberry cream bun as well, if I’m feeling like something sweet.
I eat in the little memorial garden beside work, it’s very pretty and is great for sitting in to get out of the office for a while.
I do more work in the afternoon, at some point going to the bathroom because I drink too many glasses of water during the day (using the same toilet every time of course) until 4:55 when I turn off my computer, go down the lift and walk down the hill to the railway station to catch the 5:12pm train.
The train gets back to Trentham at about 5:45-5:55ish and I drive my car home from the station.
At home, I say hi to mum, cuddle each of my cats and turn on the computer.
I check Hotmail, then Facebook then watch a little TV or make dinner.
After dinner, I stay on the computer, watch some TV and upload my photo of the day, which I took at some point during the day.
I go to bed at 9:30-10pm after putting on my pajamas and brushing my teeth.
Are you a creature of habit or do you like to change things up a bit?
V.
I know I’ve written a similar blog about this kind of thing before but I guess this one is also kind of “A Day in the Life of Me”.
So, every morning I wake up at what my alarm says is 6:30am but is actually more like 6:20am or slightly earlier because I keep my alarm clock running 10 minutes fast.
I roll around for a while and say “nughghgh, it can’t be time to wake up already” then I stay in bed till it’s about 6:40am just listening to ZM’s Morning Crew for a few minutes before going to have a shower.
I pee then have my shower (also a routine, eg: I wash my body in the same order every day with the same body wash) for 10 minutes then I get out, dry myself, walk back to my room and slip back into bed so I don’t get cold.
I continue to listen to The Crew while I’m getting dressed into my work clothes. When I’m dressed, I go out into the lounge and turn on the computer, it is now 6:57am in real time.
I check Hotmail first to see if anyone cares enough to email me, then I check Facebook and sometimes Twitter if I get time.
By this time, it’s usually about 7:20 so I brush my teeth, make sure my bag is packed with some healthy snacks and a good book then I get in my car, listening to the same CD most days (or my Ipod before it broke) and drive to the Trentham railway station.
I park in the same place at the railway station as I do every day and sit at the there for a few minutes listening to music until 7:37am and then I take out my car stereo and put it in my bag, then grab my bags and go to the platform.
At 7:44am, the train comes (sometimes it’s a little bit later but never earlier) and I get on and read my book till we get to Wellington.
At Wellington I put my book in my bag and get off the train. I sometimes walk to New World and buy a danish if I’m hungry, otherwise I walk out of the station and up the hill to work.
When I get to work, I go up to the 3rd floor in the lift and walk to my desk, turn on the computer and read the Dominion Post for about an hour.
It’s now about 9:30/10am and I check my emails and respond to anything that needs responding to. I then make coffee or have a glass of cold water and a No-Doz caffeine pill so I’m awake for the day.
I then have a briefing with my boss who tells me what to do for the day and I do it, only stopping to check Hotmail, Facebook and Stuff a few times during the day.
At 12pm I have lunch, which is usually a sandwich from New World’s deli, which they allow you to choose 4 salad ingredients and one spread. Usually, being a creature of habit, I have cheese, lettuce, tomato and sprouts with honey mustard sauce on multi-grain bread.
Sometimes I’ll also have a raspberry cream bun as well, if I’m feeling like something sweet.
I eat in the little memorial garden beside work, it’s very pretty and is great for sitting in to get out of the office for a while.
I do more work in the afternoon, at some point going to the bathroom because I drink too many glasses of water during the day (using the same toilet every time of course) until 4:55 when I turn off my computer, go down the lift and walk down the hill to the railway station to catch the 5:12pm train.
The train gets back to Trentham at about 5:45-5:55ish and I drive my car home from the station.
At home, I say hi to mum, cuddle each of my cats and turn on the computer.
I check Hotmail, then Facebook then watch a little TV or make dinner.
After dinner, I stay on the computer, watch some TV and upload my photo of the day, which I took at some point during the day.
I go to bed at 9:30-10pm after putting on my pajamas and brushing my teeth.
Are you a creature of habit or do you like to change things up a bit?
V.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
People who inspire
Hey,
I've talked a lot lately about things that annoy me but not everything annoys me.
Tonight I went to a BBQ and saw my favourite person I've ever worked with (at a proper job, not at Journalism school coz there were people I loved working with there too.)
I wasn't expecting him to be there and he wasn't expecting me to be there but we were.
This man was incredible, is incredible.
To understand how incredible this man is, you first have to understand that I HATED my job.
The extent to which I hated my job was that every day I had a headache and the nerves and stress made me feel sick to my stomach most days. In the morning I didn't want to wake up but I FORCED myself to drag myself out of bed every day and go to work EARLY because I was always so behind (not entirely my fault).
I worked at a daily paper and that meant daily deadlines and that meant stress beyond stress.
So anyway, this colleague of mine only worked three days a week at the time (he now works every day, lucky bastards who still work there get extra time with him), Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.
So, needless to say, those three days of the week were the days when I could easily get out of bed. Just the thought of him being at work made me almost jump out of bed and rush to work.
Well, that last part was a little bit of a hyperbole but when I was thinking at 6am "why meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee", he would pop into my head and I'd feel more like going to work rather than just having a day off.
Because of this man, I almost didn't leave the job I had, despite the fact I was stressed, sick, totally unhappy and lonely, just because the thought of not seeing him every day (for three days a week), broke my heart and made me feel sad.
I'm not sure what it was about this man. It wasn't a crush because he's much, much older than me, so it's nothing sexual or lovey dovey but maybe it was just his personality, he always made me smile (or even laugh), he always took the time to just sit at my desk and talk to me (despite the fact we both always had looming deadlines), we could joke around and it just felt good.
Tonight was just like old times, we talked for a while about old times, how things had changed at the paper in just six months I'd been gone and we joked about things we used to joke about, such as the fact we believed he'd been around since basically before the dinosaurs. In fact, we believed he probably invented the dinosaurs. Which, I guess is only funny if you know the atmosphere of my former newsroom and the humour that happened within those walls.
I miss him so much. When I was talking to someone tonight about him later on, I began to feel quite emotional when I explained that I almost stayed in the job I hated just so I could still see this man and I wouldn't hesitate to go back to that job, just because he's there.
I learnt so much from him. Not only was he a fun guy, he was also one of the most amazing writers I've ever come across in Journalism.
Some people, when they write news, they just report the facts, plain, simple and straight as a ruler but not this man. This man wrote with a flair, so often lacking in Journalism. He really told a story, as well as using the facts. It was really quite incredible to read and I wish I had time to learn more and read more of his work.
I actually wrote him a letter when I left, just because I needed to honestly tell him how I felt. He really appreciated it too. He's a total legend, and I'm not just saying that because I adore him, it's true, everyone knows him around town, he's lived 'round there most of his life so he's really well known and loved by everyone who has met him.
So, sometimes people change your life, at times when you least expect it.
I've also had a favourite teacher at every school I've ever been to (which is quite a few) and I'm sure this will continue in years to come, a favourite lecturer at university, a favourite colleague at any job I have.
Some people are just incredible, so much so, you just feel the need to tell the world and tell them, exactly how you feel about that person.
I often hear older people talk about the people who changed their lives, the legends and why they were so legendary and I know that I'll talk about this man when I'm an old reporter or just an older person in general. Some people are unforgettable and he's one of them. The day he passes away will be an extremely sad one, not just for me but for everyone who knows him and for anyone who reads the newspaper because as someone I interviewed once said "If I could have one wish, it would be to write like him."
And that, my friends, is a HUGE compliment. That style, class and flair is unbeaten.
V.
I've talked a lot lately about things that annoy me but not everything annoys me.
Tonight I went to a BBQ and saw my favourite person I've ever worked with (at a proper job, not at Journalism school coz there were people I loved working with there too.)
I wasn't expecting him to be there and he wasn't expecting me to be there but we were.
This man was incredible, is incredible.
To understand how incredible this man is, you first have to understand that I HATED my job.
The extent to which I hated my job was that every day I had a headache and the nerves and stress made me feel sick to my stomach most days. In the morning I didn't want to wake up but I FORCED myself to drag myself out of bed every day and go to work EARLY because I was always so behind (not entirely my fault).
I worked at a daily paper and that meant daily deadlines and that meant stress beyond stress.
So anyway, this colleague of mine only worked three days a week at the time (he now works every day, lucky bastards who still work there get extra time with him), Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.
So, needless to say, those three days of the week were the days when I could easily get out of bed. Just the thought of him being at work made me almost jump out of bed and rush to work.
Well, that last part was a little bit of a hyperbole but when I was thinking at 6am "why meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee", he would pop into my head and I'd feel more like going to work rather than just having a day off.
Because of this man, I almost didn't leave the job I had, despite the fact I was stressed, sick, totally unhappy and lonely, just because the thought of not seeing him every day (for three days a week), broke my heart and made me feel sad.
I'm not sure what it was about this man. It wasn't a crush because he's much, much older than me, so it's nothing sexual or lovey dovey but maybe it was just his personality, he always made me smile (or even laugh), he always took the time to just sit at my desk and talk to me (despite the fact we both always had looming deadlines), we could joke around and it just felt good.
Tonight was just like old times, we talked for a while about old times, how things had changed at the paper in just six months I'd been gone and we joked about things we used to joke about, such as the fact we believed he'd been around since basically before the dinosaurs. In fact, we believed he probably invented the dinosaurs. Which, I guess is only funny if you know the atmosphere of my former newsroom and the humour that happened within those walls.
I miss him so much. When I was talking to someone tonight about him later on, I began to feel quite emotional when I explained that I almost stayed in the job I hated just so I could still see this man and I wouldn't hesitate to go back to that job, just because he's there.
I learnt so much from him. Not only was he a fun guy, he was also one of the most amazing writers I've ever come across in Journalism.
Some people, when they write news, they just report the facts, plain, simple and straight as a ruler but not this man. This man wrote with a flair, so often lacking in Journalism. He really told a story, as well as using the facts. It was really quite incredible to read and I wish I had time to learn more and read more of his work.
I actually wrote him a letter when I left, just because I needed to honestly tell him how I felt. He really appreciated it too. He's a total legend, and I'm not just saying that because I adore him, it's true, everyone knows him around town, he's lived 'round there most of his life so he's really well known and loved by everyone who has met him.
So, sometimes people change your life, at times when you least expect it.
I've also had a favourite teacher at every school I've ever been to (which is quite a few) and I'm sure this will continue in years to come, a favourite lecturer at university, a favourite colleague at any job I have.
Some people are just incredible, so much so, you just feel the need to tell the world and tell them, exactly how you feel about that person.
I often hear older people talk about the people who changed their lives, the legends and why they were so legendary and I know that I'll talk about this man when I'm an old reporter or just an older person in general. Some people are unforgettable and he's one of them. The day he passes away will be an extremely sad one, not just for me but for everyone who knows him and for anyone who reads the newspaper because as someone I interviewed once said "If I could have one wish, it would be to write like him."
And that, my friends, is a HUGE compliment. That style, class and flair is unbeaten.
V.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Some things that annoy me
My mum will be so disappointed, TV3 political editor Duncan Garner is getting married.
At my Journalism graduation dinner (at which Duncan spoke), mum flirted with Duncan and every time she sees him on TV she gets very excited and says “Hi Duncan!” but now he is engaged.
I guess I was surprised that he wasn’t married but now I know, it’s not much of a surprise. A disappointment I guess but not a surprise, he’s good looking, talented and very very funny, even when talking about politics.
I also found out, in the same story, he has two daughters to another TV 3 reporter, who’s name I can’t spell and has another son with his fiancé.
I wish Duncan all the best, he deserves happiness.
Speaking of names I can’t spell, (checks Google for correct spelling) Wellington entrepreneur (is that what he is?) Terry Serepisos is a sleazebag.
I have always held this opinion but today it was clearer than ever when his sleazy smile graced the back page of the Dominion Post. And why shouldn’t he be smiling really? With his arms full with not just one but THREE, say it again Sam, THREE beautiful ladies.
Sleazebag alert.
This, of course, is not the only example of him being a sleaze but it’s certainly one example. I don’t trust him as far as I could throw him.
Next on the list of things/people that annoy me, I was walking up the hill to work this morning and a lady walking in front of me was smoking.
I can’t say I’ve never smoked a cigarette and I don’t deny I crave the feeling of smoke in my lungs fairly often but being behind this woman, being smoked out by her cigarette was disgusting.
I often find it hard enough to walk up that hill, fuck knows I am just not fit enough but having to be down wind of a smoker, having to inhale her disgusting second hand smoke, made me feel like I couldn’t breathe.
Even an hour later, I’m still just getting my breath back.
So, I think smoking in public should not be allowed. It’s okay if you’re out in the open air with no one else around but in a crowded street, that’s just WRONG.
What choice did I have in the matter?
If I want to kill myself with cigarette smoke, over consumption of sugar (now a thing of the past because of a diet), caffeine or alcohol, that, my friends, is my choice, I don’t appreciate having the choice forced upon me when maybe, I don’t feel like dying today.
And last but not least, another thing that annoys me is ads that have no purpose. Today, in the Herald newspaper (I have to read the Dom and the Herald every morning for work but I still enjoy them), there was a full page ad that was a picture of a house and just said something about broadband. It didn’t say which company could give me better, faster, cheaper broadband, it didn’t say jack shit actually, it was just a waste of a whole page in the paper, which could have had something beneficial to my life on it but no.
I mean, what if there’s some sort of allergen in the tomato I eat for lunch and now I don’t know because the newspaper didn’t have enough space to tell me.
Another one of these ads was on a bus stop a few days ago, they took it down sometime between 8am and 5pm yesterday but till then, it was there.
It was a blank, white page with a huge red button in the middle that said “PUSH”, so I walked past it the first time and thought “that’s odd” and then the next day, I walked past and decided to push it.
When I did, a little tune came out for 5 seconds or so and that was it.
What in the WORLD was the purpose of that?
I pushed it again and the same thing happened, I think I just pushed it again because I was so disbelieving that there was a button, ON A BUS STOP, that you could push and it would play a little tune.
But that didn’t help me to understand the point either.
So, I’m still wondering what it was all about.
There are also TV ads where you sit through, what seems like 10 minutes (and is actually closer to 30 seconds/ one minute), of weird weird, cryptic jibber jabber before they finally tell you what company the ad is for or what they’re aiming at by telling you all this crap.
That’s all.
By the way, my horoscopes have still been correct a lot lately.
V.
At my Journalism graduation dinner (at which Duncan spoke), mum flirted with Duncan and every time she sees him on TV she gets very excited and says “Hi Duncan!” but now he is engaged.
I guess I was surprised that he wasn’t married but now I know, it’s not much of a surprise. A disappointment I guess but not a surprise, he’s good looking, talented and very very funny, even when talking about politics.
I also found out, in the same story, he has two daughters to another TV 3 reporter, who’s name I can’t spell and has another son with his fiancé.
I wish Duncan all the best, he deserves happiness.
Speaking of names I can’t spell, (checks Google for correct spelling) Wellington entrepreneur (is that what he is?) Terry Serepisos is a sleazebag.
I have always held this opinion but today it was clearer than ever when his sleazy smile graced the back page of the Dominion Post. And why shouldn’t he be smiling really? With his arms full with not just one but THREE, say it again Sam, THREE beautiful ladies.
Sleazebag alert.
This, of course, is not the only example of him being a sleaze but it’s certainly one example. I don’t trust him as far as I could throw him.
Next on the list of things/people that annoy me, I was walking up the hill to work this morning and a lady walking in front of me was smoking.
I can’t say I’ve never smoked a cigarette and I don’t deny I crave the feeling of smoke in my lungs fairly often but being behind this woman, being smoked out by her cigarette was disgusting.
I often find it hard enough to walk up that hill, fuck knows I am just not fit enough but having to be down wind of a smoker, having to inhale her disgusting second hand smoke, made me feel like I couldn’t breathe.
Even an hour later, I’m still just getting my breath back.
So, I think smoking in public should not be allowed. It’s okay if you’re out in the open air with no one else around but in a crowded street, that’s just WRONG.
What choice did I have in the matter?
If I want to kill myself with cigarette smoke, over consumption of sugar (now a thing of the past because of a diet), caffeine or alcohol, that, my friends, is my choice, I don’t appreciate having the choice forced upon me when maybe, I don’t feel like dying today.
And last but not least, another thing that annoys me is ads that have no purpose. Today, in the Herald newspaper (I have to read the Dom and the Herald every morning for work but I still enjoy them), there was a full page ad that was a picture of a house and just said something about broadband. It didn’t say which company could give me better, faster, cheaper broadband, it didn’t say jack shit actually, it was just a waste of a whole page in the paper, which could have had something beneficial to my life on it but no.
I mean, what if there’s some sort of allergen in the tomato I eat for lunch and now I don’t know because the newspaper didn’t have enough space to tell me.
Another one of these ads was on a bus stop a few days ago, they took it down sometime between 8am and 5pm yesterday but till then, it was there.
It was a blank, white page with a huge red button in the middle that said “PUSH”, so I walked past it the first time and thought “that’s odd” and then the next day, I walked past and decided to push it.
When I did, a little tune came out for 5 seconds or so and that was it.
What in the WORLD was the purpose of that?
I pushed it again and the same thing happened, I think I just pushed it again because I was so disbelieving that there was a button, ON A BUS STOP, that you could push and it would play a little tune.
But that didn’t help me to understand the point either.
So, I’m still wondering what it was all about.
There are also TV ads where you sit through, what seems like 10 minutes (and is actually closer to 30 seconds/ one minute), of weird weird, cryptic jibber jabber before they finally tell you what company the ad is for or what they’re aiming at by telling you all this crap.
That’s all.
By the way, my horoscopes have still been correct a lot lately.
V.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Thoughts
I often wonder what people are thinking, whether it’s people on the train, just travelling to work like me, or people walking down the street.
I wish I could read their minds and find out what they think about.
Thinking about this makes me conscious of what I’m thinking about in my daily life.
On the train, I’m usually reading so I’m not consciously thinking about anything except concentrating on the words I’m reading but when I’m walking up the hill to work, I’m thinking about lots of things.
I’ve been thinking a lot about Valentines Day, my least favourite made up holiday in the world. I’ve been thinking of maybe sending my crush a secret admirer rose and ways I could do that without him knowing it was me, for example, if I deliver it to his work, he may see me, same if I deliver it to his house.
I’ve also been thinking about my friendships and what they mean to me. I’ve been thinking about work and what I’ll get up to during the day. I’ve been thinking about how tired I am and as I walk up the hill, I think about how big the hill is and how I’ll be early to work anyway, no matter how fast or slow I walk. And of course, I’ve been thinking about what other people are thinking about.
I’ve been pretty busy lately, working from 9-5 every weekday, taking into account an hour (or more), travelling time each way. I’m also volunteering at a retail shop on Saturday’s then seeing dad on Sunday’s. Sometimes I have time to do something, other than eat and sleep after work, for example, on Thursday I went to a screening of a documentary my friend set up.
Today I did something kind of crazy, I participated in a mass nude photoshoot. It was awesome being in the same vicinity as so many other naked people, who were so comfortable with their nakedness. A while after I arrived, I felt weird being clothed, so many people were naked around me. It was an incredible experience and I'm so glad and grateful I did it. I can't wait to see the photos.
But after all that, I'm so dissatisfied with my regular life. It was almost like when I go to gigs and then feel despondant about my every day life. This experience was so exciting, going back to my regular job in my stuffy, professional clothes will make me so depressed. At least I've only got two weeks left.
Some weekends I help make small budget movies with friends of a friend, just being a runner and that's the same, it makes me feel so alive that working or whatever else I do in my life is just so fucking boring I can barely stand it.
That's what I've been thinking and doing.
February is coming, only a day away. Fuck.
V.
I wish I could read their minds and find out what they think about.
Thinking about this makes me conscious of what I’m thinking about in my daily life.
On the train, I’m usually reading so I’m not consciously thinking about anything except concentrating on the words I’m reading but when I’m walking up the hill to work, I’m thinking about lots of things.
I’ve been thinking a lot about Valentines Day, my least favourite made up holiday in the world. I’ve been thinking of maybe sending my crush a secret admirer rose and ways I could do that without him knowing it was me, for example, if I deliver it to his work, he may see me, same if I deliver it to his house.
I’ve also been thinking about my friendships and what they mean to me. I’ve been thinking about work and what I’ll get up to during the day. I’ve been thinking about how tired I am and as I walk up the hill, I think about how big the hill is and how I’ll be early to work anyway, no matter how fast or slow I walk. And of course, I’ve been thinking about what other people are thinking about.
I’ve been pretty busy lately, working from 9-5 every weekday, taking into account an hour (or more), travelling time each way. I’m also volunteering at a retail shop on Saturday’s then seeing dad on Sunday’s. Sometimes I have time to do something, other than eat and sleep after work, for example, on Thursday I went to a screening of a documentary my friend set up.
Today I did something kind of crazy, I participated in a mass nude photoshoot. It was awesome being in the same vicinity as so many other naked people, who were so comfortable with their nakedness. A while after I arrived, I felt weird being clothed, so many people were naked around me. It was an incredible experience and I'm so glad and grateful I did it. I can't wait to see the photos.
But after all that, I'm so dissatisfied with my regular life. It was almost like when I go to gigs and then feel despondant about my every day life. This experience was so exciting, going back to my regular job in my stuffy, professional clothes will make me so depressed. At least I've only got two weeks left.
Some weekends I help make small budget movies with friends of a friend, just being a runner and that's the same, it makes me feel so alive that working or whatever else I do in my life is just so fucking boring I can barely stand it.
That's what I've been thinking and doing.
February is coming, only a day away. Fuck.
V.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Psychics and horoscopes
I often tell mum that I don’t believe in psychics, spirits or any other mumbo jumbo bullshit like that. In fact, this is a lie, I do believe in all that “mumbo jumbo bullshit”, I just don’t want her to know I do. I guess the reasoning for that, somewhat mad lie is that she is so excited about this whole other world and I don’t really want to have to discuss my beliefs or reasons for them, with her. For example, she often talks about her dead mother (my grandmother) and how she has talked to her via a medium/ psychic of some kind and how her brother had a dream that their mother told him to stop smoking, so he did.
I just laugh this stuff off with a “whatever mum” but in reality, I enjoy watching shows on TV such as “The 6ixth Sense” with Colin Fry or “Crossing Over” with John Edward where these men communicate with spirits, to the bewilderment of audience members, particularly the skeptical ones.
I also pay attention to horoscopes, it’s not a religious kind of devotion (although lately I admit, it has been), but whenever I’m reading a newspaper or a magazine, I flick to the horoscope section to see what is coming my way for that day/week/month/year. Sometimes they’re right, other times they’re not but it doesn’t really bother me either way but it can be interesting just to find out.
I’ve been doing some temporary work lately and on the first day I started work, my horoscope, straight from the mouth of some psychic the Dominion Post keeps in it’s closet was that I would have a dispute with someone because I like to do things my way and they want me to do things their way, a way I don’t think is correct.
At the start of the day, I thought “oh shit, this is bad news” as it could have meant my boss questioning the way I do my job, mind you, as my boss, it’s his prerogative to do so to ensure my job is done correctly but I’m stubborn.
Luckily, nothing bad came out of that day.
Today’s horoscope is something about dealing with the things that are depressing you because you cannot be creative at work and at home in that state.
That is a correct observation. Well done Dominion Post psychic.
V.
I just laugh this stuff off with a “whatever mum” but in reality, I enjoy watching shows on TV such as “The 6ixth Sense” with Colin Fry or “Crossing Over” with John Edward where these men communicate with spirits, to the bewilderment of audience members, particularly the skeptical ones.
I also pay attention to horoscopes, it’s not a religious kind of devotion (although lately I admit, it has been), but whenever I’m reading a newspaper or a magazine, I flick to the horoscope section to see what is coming my way for that day/week/month/year. Sometimes they’re right, other times they’re not but it doesn’t really bother me either way but it can be interesting just to find out.
I’ve been doing some temporary work lately and on the first day I started work, my horoscope, straight from the mouth of some psychic the Dominion Post keeps in it’s closet was that I would have a dispute with someone because I like to do things my way and they want me to do things their way, a way I don’t think is correct.
At the start of the day, I thought “oh shit, this is bad news” as it could have meant my boss questioning the way I do my job, mind you, as my boss, it’s his prerogative to do so to ensure my job is done correctly but I’m stubborn.
Luckily, nothing bad came out of that day.
Today’s horoscope is something about dealing with the things that are depressing you because you cannot be creative at work and at home in that state.
That is a correct observation. Well done Dominion Post psychic.
V.
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