Thoughts

I often wonder what people are thinking, whether it’s people on the train, just travelling to work like me, or people walking down the street.
I wish I could read their minds and find out what they think about.
Thinking about this makes me conscious of what I’m thinking about in my daily life.
On the train, I’m usually reading so I’m not consciously thinking about anything except concentrating on the words I’m reading but when I’m walking up the hill to work, I’m thinking about lots of things.
I’ve been thinking a lot about Valentines Day, my least favourite made up holiday in the world. I’ve been thinking of maybe sending my crush a secret admirer rose and ways I could do that without him knowing it was me, for example, if I deliver it to his work, he may see me, same if I deliver it to his house.
I’ve also been thinking about my friendships and what they mean to me. I’ve been thinking about work and what I’ll get up to during the day. I’ve been thinking about how tired I am and as I walk up the hill, I think about how big the hill is and how I’ll be early to work anyway, no matter how fast or slow I walk. And of course, I’ve been thinking about what other people are thinking about.

I’ve been pretty busy lately, working from 9-5 every weekday, taking into account an hour (or more), travelling time each way. I’m also volunteering at a retail shop on Saturday’s then seeing dad on Sunday’s. Sometimes I have time to do something, other than eat and sleep after work, for example, on Thursday I went to a screening of a documentary my friend set up.
Today I did something kind of crazy, I participated in a mass nude photoshoot. It was awesome being in the same vicinity as so many other naked people, who were so comfortable with their nakedness. A while after I arrived, I felt weird being clothed, so many people were naked around me. It was an incredible experience and I'm so glad and grateful I did it. I can't wait to see the photos.

But after all that, I'm so dissatisfied with my regular life. It was almost like when I go to gigs and then feel despondant about my every day life. This experience was so exciting, going back to my regular job in my stuffy, professional clothes will make me so depressed. At least I've only got two weeks left.
Some weekends I help make small budget movies with friends of a friend, just being a runner and that's the same, it makes me feel so alive that working or whatever else I do in my life is just so fucking boring I can barely stand it.

That's what I've been thinking and doing.
February is coming, only a day away. Fuck.

V.