I seem to be getting more and more impulsive.
Quitting university was a very impulsive decision.
I seem to be making decisions now, without really thinking them out at all and how they'll work out with my schedule.
Impulsivity, as I learnt at university, is related to psychopathy. Am I a psychopath because I'm impulsive? Am I becoming more psychopathic as I become more impulsive?
I'm buying things without thinking about whether or not I have enough money and even if I know I don't have enough money, I'm buying stuff anyway.
I'm committing to things without thinking but maybe previously in my life I've thought too much and a bit of impulsivity will be useful in my life.
It relates back to How I Met Your Mother again, funnily enough, Ted thinks too much, he doesn't DO, he thinks. I've always been a thinker too, never just DOING things, always over thinking everything but now I'm becoming impulsive and it's getting scary. I'm so out of my depth, I'm taking uncalculated risks and that makes my heart pound in my chest. I have NO idea what I'm getting myself into in some areas of my life and I'm scared. I'm somewhat excited but not thinking can NEVER lead to anything good. All angles must be discovered, all facts taken into account before decisions are made but right now, I'm not doing that.
Agh!
V.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Fate
Hey guys,
I know I'm useless and stopped the 30 day challenge but I had a lot of other stuff going on and was very busy.
Today I want to blog about fate. I've been watching a lot of the show How I Met Your Mother lately, a show that focuses on hindsight and all the events that led up to Ted meeting the mother of his children.
We learn in this show that if Ted or his friends do or don't do certain things, their lives may not have ended up the way they did, which may have led to Ted not meeting the mother of his children. By the way, I call her "the mother of his children" because we never actually find out how Ted meets this woman and we never actually find out who this woman is but we follow all the events up till that day.
For example, Ted got a job offer in Chicago (by the way, this story IS going somewhere), but he and his girlfriend missed the flight because he had to go to court because he jumped over a turnstyle because he had to save Barney from the train because Barney's legs stopped working because he ran a marathon because Marshall couldn't run it because Marshall broke his toe and it just goes on and on like that. So the story goes that if one event hadn't happened, the rest wouldn't have happened and perhaps he would have caught the flight to Chicago, got the job and then he would not have met the children's mother because he meets her in New York.
So, now for the point. Yesterday I quit university. Some of you will now be saying/thinking "WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK". Yes, I know. It wasn't the most logical or rational decision I've ever made but it happened and it's too late to go back now.
I guess I need to explain why I quit before I go on to the idea of fate (although some of you may already have some idea where this is going).
I quit university because I don't enjoy writing essays, I felt lonely there because you are constantly expected to work independently, you don't have colleagues to work with or talk to like in an office and I wasn't happy in general. Also, I missed the money you get when you work. I didn't know why I was there so I figured I had no reason to be there in the first place.
So I lay awake one sleepless night and thought about my options and thought "I'm going to quit university and get a job". Of course, it's not that EASY to get a job and I found that out last time when it took me 6 months but I had forgotten that fact at the time.
So now we know that I've quit university and my reasons for doing so. So let's go back to last night when I lay on the couch and walked around the house thinking "SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT, what the fuck have I done?!?!?!" I was feeling depressed and empty. I had lost direction in my life because I had no idea what I was going to now do with my life. University was my plan for the next three years and now I don't have a plan.
Then I thought back to How I Met Your Mother. What if my decision to quit university was what was MEANT to happen? What if quitting university leads to the next huge event in my life? What if I meet my life partner because I get a job where she is? I wouldn't have got that job and met her had I still been at university. See, fate.
Then today, someone on Facebook I went to school with, posted a video about the school in 2009. It looked like so much fun, all my classmates all having fun. Then I thought, well, maybe I shouldn't have left school because if I hadn't left school, I would have been experiencing those fun times with those people. BUT then I remember what I was doing in 2009. I met some of the most amazing people I know because I chose to leave school. I don't regret a thing about that year while I was getting my diploma with 26 or so amazing people. It was fate that I left school, sure I didn't get those REALLY fun experiences with those classmates but I had fun all the same. If I hadn't got my diploma with those people, so many things wouldn't have happened and my life would be SO different. Plus, that video is just a trailer for a movie, the movie of life that year. In trailers only all the best bits are shown, the shit bits are not and I'm sure for that 4 minutes of video, that time when fun things happened, there were exams and tests and fights and drama and BAD stuff and boring bits that all happen in the movies. The trailer is a misleading portrayal of the events of that year so maybe I wasn't missing that much after all.
So I just hope that my leaving university, a decision I AM kind of regretting right now, was the right thing to do and will lead to more amazing stuff. That's the thing about hindsight, everything is so much clearer and you can see all angles, angles you can't see in the present. In hindsight, leaving school was the right decision, I hope in a year or two I can look back and in hindsight decide that leaving university was also fate and also the RIGHT decision.
V.
I know I'm useless and stopped the 30 day challenge but I had a lot of other stuff going on and was very busy.
Today I want to blog about fate. I've been watching a lot of the show How I Met Your Mother lately, a show that focuses on hindsight and all the events that led up to Ted meeting the mother of his children.
We learn in this show that if Ted or his friends do or don't do certain things, their lives may not have ended up the way they did, which may have led to Ted not meeting the mother of his children. By the way, I call her "the mother of his children" because we never actually find out how Ted meets this woman and we never actually find out who this woman is but we follow all the events up till that day.
For example, Ted got a job offer in Chicago (by the way, this story IS going somewhere), but he and his girlfriend missed the flight because he had to go to court because he jumped over a turnstyle because he had to save Barney from the train because Barney's legs stopped working because he ran a marathon because Marshall couldn't run it because Marshall broke his toe and it just goes on and on like that. So the story goes that if one event hadn't happened, the rest wouldn't have happened and perhaps he would have caught the flight to Chicago, got the job and then he would not have met the children's mother because he meets her in New York.
So, now for the point. Yesterday I quit university. Some of you will now be saying/thinking "WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK". Yes, I know. It wasn't the most logical or rational decision I've ever made but it happened and it's too late to go back now.
I guess I need to explain why I quit before I go on to the idea of fate (although some of you may already have some idea where this is going).
I quit university because I don't enjoy writing essays, I felt lonely there because you are constantly expected to work independently, you don't have colleagues to work with or talk to like in an office and I wasn't happy in general. Also, I missed the money you get when you work. I didn't know why I was there so I figured I had no reason to be there in the first place.
So I lay awake one sleepless night and thought about my options and thought "I'm going to quit university and get a job". Of course, it's not that EASY to get a job and I found that out last time when it took me 6 months but I had forgotten that fact at the time.
So now we know that I've quit university and my reasons for doing so. So let's go back to last night when I lay on the couch and walked around the house thinking "SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT, what the fuck have I done?!?!?!" I was feeling depressed and empty. I had lost direction in my life because I had no idea what I was going to now do with my life. University was my plan for the next three years and now I don't have a plan.
Then I thought back to How I Met Your Mother. What if my decision to quit university was what was MEANT to happen? What if quitting university leads to the next huge event in my life? What if I meet my life partner because I get a job where she is? I wouldn't have got that job and met her had I still been at university. See, fate.
Then today, someone on Facebook I went to school with, posted a video about the school in 2009. It looked like so much fun, all my classmates all having fun. Then I thought, well, maybe I shouldn't have left school because if I hadn't left school, I would have been experiencing those fun times with those people. BUT then I remember what I was doing in 2009. I met some of the most amazing people I know because I chose to leave school. I don't regret a thing about that year while I was getting my diploma with 26 or so amazing people. It was fate that I left school, sure I didn't get those REALLY fun experiences with those classmates but I had fun all the same. If I hadn't got my diploma with those people, so many things wouldn't have happened and my life would be SO different. Plus, that video is just a trailer for a movie, the movie of life that year. In trailers only all the best bits are shown, the shit bits are not and I'm sure for that 4 minutes of video, that time when fun things happened, there were exams and tests and fights and drama and BAD stuff and boring bits that all happen in the movies. The trailer is a misleading portrayal of the events of that year so maybe I wasn't missing that much after all.
So I just hope that my leaving university, a decision I AM kind of regretting right now, was the right thing to do and will lead to more amazing stuff. That's the thing about hindsight, everything is so much clearer and you can see all angles, angles you can't see in the present. In hindsight, leaving school was the right decision, I hope in a year or two I can look back and in hindsight decide that leaving university was also fate and also the RIGHT decision.
V.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
