Hey guys,
The doctor's visit went well so I've decided to document my journey on anti-depressants to see if I notice any changes in myself and my behaviour over the next few months.
I am on one Fluoxetine capsule a day and I can almost feel the effects already (although that could just be a placebo effect where you feel better just for taking pills, whether they're actually doing anything or not).
For more information about my new found favourite drug, here is a Wikipedia article on it. Of course I don't think it's relevant to discuss the technical stuff here, like the side effects (unless I experience them) or the scientific make up of the drug, which is why that's Wikipedia's job.
After last night's post, it was obvious to tell I was anxious about my doctor's appointment so when I got there this morning and the wait time was 30 mins, needless to say, I was freaking out more than ever.
Eventually I got to see the doctor who asked me a few questions and blamed my depression on computer overuse, she was pretty useless and never once asked if I was suicidal, which I thought would be the first question to ask someone who's depressed.
But aside from being useless at question asking, she gave me my drugs (3 month prescription) and sent me on my (more) merry way.
Upon seeing the tablets, the first thing I loved was that the pills were pretty colours, half green, half purple so it's pretty buzzy.
Today, after taking a pill, I haven't felt like crying all day and the times when I did feel emotional for a reason (like talking to my friend who will be moving to Australia in August), I found I couldn't cry, my heart didn't hurt, I just felt neutral, despite the fact it's something I'm devastated about and dreading. So all day I felt neutral, my happy moments weren't as deeply happy but my sad moments weren't sad at all, which is really what I needed right now.
I've been super hungry all day, unsure if this is a side effect or if I'm just having a slight growth-spurt, I guess when you're happier it's easier to eat than when you're not.
Favourite moment of the day was when I asked the chemist if I could drink alcohol on Fluoxetine, to which he replied "I wouldn't turn down a glass or two of wine, don't go too crazy and give up drinking altogether but everything in moderation is fine". Love him.
Very tired now,
V.
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Oh my God, if the doctor didn't ask, I need to ask: Are you suicidal? I think I know you that much that I can say you're probably not (at least I hope so) but people change, circumstances change and sometimes even people who are not suicidal do stupid things. I thought about crashing my car into a truck the other day because I was upset (but then I realised that this would be a rather stupid thing to do, so I just kept driving normally on my side of the road). Whatever you do, Varelai, please don't do stupid things. The world needs you.
ReplyDeleteThanks for caring, I care about you too so please, none of those thoughts. I know we don't speak as often as we used to but you're still important to me and I don't want to lose you.
DeleteAs you'll read in the post before this one, I went to the doctor because I knew I had a problem and needed help before it got to the point where I was suicidal, right now I'm not at that point but thanks for asking.