Life goals and dreams

I have to become a music journalist.
There is no if or but about it.
It is the ultimate dream for me. I went to a gig last night and I loved it, every single part of it. I always do.
Every time I go to gigs I love it so much that coming home and living my dull dull life the next day is just sad to me.
It depresses me after such exciting nights, I have to come back and stop living in that excitement.

Last night was a pretty big night, I know the members of the band pretty well, one in particular and was invited up on stage to dance because the singer could see the passion I felt for the band. I could barely stay sitting in my seat and couldn't understand why no one else wanted to make the first move and get up and dance!
It was exciting. But terrifying. I guess the words on my arm "Not Afraid" mean I am able to do crazy, scary things like rock climbing or saying "fuck it" and jumping up on stage, dancing like 50-100ish people are not watching.
As a music journalist, the excitement of going to shows, would be an almost daily thing.

For the last 3-4 weeks I've been to gigs once a week and the next day there's always a "hangover" of sorts, where negative feelings appear after a night of positivity. There's extreme boredom, frustration and depression at how dull my life has become. I want to meet famous people, I want to listen to great music, I want to write about and review my experiences with great music. I want to live an exciting life.
I asked my friend if it was hard for him to go back to his non-musicial day job after performing to screaming, adoring, clapping fans all night. He said it wasn't hard but maybe he's just used to the feeling of coming down from the musicial high.
I have another friend who is studying music so that she can become a musician full time because she loves it so much. And this is someone who doesn't show much emotion or excitement about anything... ever. Even if she loves something with all the feelings in her, she won't show any excitement but I know she loves music and needs to do it full time.

I need music full time as well, but not as a musician (lack of musical talent prevents me from doing that) but I need to write about music. Writing is a passion for me but so is music. They're both things that will complete me and give me the excitement my life desperately lacks currently.

Varelai.

The Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Once again, my dreams and plans have been crushed in a puff of smoke.
My friends don't REALLY believe being a train conductor is good for me.
No, they believe it would be a waste of my "intelligence".
Bah humbug.
Though one said she'd prefer me to be train conducting than to be on the dole doing nothing.
But hearing that two friends believe my mind would be wasted on my dream sucks.
I don't want to wake up at 6:30 every morning then sit in an office all day, at a desk in front of a computer screen.
This is not my idea of living.
I don't want to continue to look and act like zombie because my day tires me out so much.
I don't want to be bored.

I enjoy writing and I'm a fast, good writer but in an office, I feel like MY skills are wasted.
So what do you do?
Do you keep your ever suffering friends satisfied or do you live for yourself, do what you want to do?
I can't think in the conditions of an office. It is hot in this office, too hot for my head to create ideas which people will want to read.
Then again, I can't think at home either, it distracts me with it's opportunities to sleep, eat, watch TV and generally do nothing.

I would like to be a music Journalist but I don't know where to start. As a freelance Journo, you can't even connect yourself to a publication so when you talk to people and say "oh hi I'm ________" they'll say so what!
Where as if you can say to them, "Hi, I'm _______ from the Dominion Post" they'll be inclined to talk to you because they know you and your publication (or at very least, they know your publication).

Then there's the matter of finding bands to write about, how do you find the managers of bands?
How do you find the publicity for bands to know what's going on?
You have to have connections in the industry, a PR person who emails you details of gigs which are happening that you can attend and then review.
You need somewhere you can put your reviews where people will see them and although I have different contacts in 2 different community newspapers now, gig reviews are not a usual thing in those kinds of papers.

Then there's the matter of money. I know it should be about passion but you HAVE to live somehow.
Doing reviews for free would be okay for a while but I have to live and living costs money.
Journalists don't make much money, especially in freelance so that makes things harder for me.
Plus, for me, it costs a lot to even get to Wellington to check out gigs.
Also, most gigs are at night and while I'm studying, it's not possible to lose a night's sleep just to go into Wellington to review a gig for no money.

So it comes down to contacts really. I need contacts to work with who will pay me to review whatever for them.
And I will because I am passionate about music and I could review from home rather than in an office which would make everything good for me.

So there it is.
Varelai.