Regret and more regret

It seems that as life goes on, regret is something that constantly builds up. Every action a person takes has an equal and opposite reaction and every action has consequences, which sometimes lead to regret.
Regret is not always a bad thing.

Recently, someone I knew in school began talking to me. At first, I found it strange, because we never talked in school but sometime in the past, we became Facebook friends and a few weeks ago at around 10-11pm, she was bored out of her brains and decided to talk to me.
We've talked every day since. We've even met up once, where we chatted for all of three hours about a number of things.

It's strange coz in school I was kind of under the impression that she and her group disliked me or were just too cool for me.
It's funny how life outside of highschool is so different. She's not the person I thought she was at all. I enjoy talking to her very much.

This is where regret seeps into my life again. When she left school, she found her dream career, but not in Wellington. Unfortunately, her dream career led her to a town about 9 hours drive away on the other island and although she came back to Wellington for a while, tomorrow, she goes back there.

I guess, in short, I'm already attached to her.

Someone said recently that if you are a member of the starsign Libra, you form very deep, close attachments and bonds to the people in your life and since I am of that starsign (born in October), I definitely do this.

So, in the time this girl and I have been talking, just over a month, I already feel myself wanting to talk to her all the time and missing her when I'm not talking to her.
It's nothing more than a friendly thing, although it may seem like it is more but that's just me and the way I relate to people and those deep bonds that I need to form in my friendships.
I don't make new friends easily. I lose friends faster than I can count but making new friends is very difficult so I usually only have a few friends but those friends are the ones who make my life worth living, the ones who I love dearly and who mean everything to me. The few friends I have, I'm always very very close to and would share anything with them and do anything for them.

Maybe it's because it's late at night or maybe it's because of this attachment but the idea of this girl going back to somewhere so far away, makes me sad. I know I'll miss her a lot. It makes me wish I had the ability to stop myself making these attachments to people and remaining an arms-length away from them emotionally so that I couldn't like anyone enough to miss them.

It reminds me of Journalism school where we had a German student come and do our certificate and then eventually, diploma with us.
We talked a lot over that time and then when she eventually had to leave the country, I was devastated. She's now in London, as I have mentioned in a previous blog but it's still so far away from the place we both call home (little ol' New Zealand) that I still miss her a hell of a lot and her leaving was really hard for me, anyone we did the course with could see how much we bonded and how much I was going to miss her.

Maybe if I had the ability to not put my whole heart and soul into everything I do, I wouldn't find it so hard to let go of people.

It's so interesting to me that in only a month, this girl has gone from just being some girl I kind of knew at school to someone I really trust and who, as far as I can gather, trusts me back.

The other interesting thing is how different we are as people, she's a wild one, keen for a drink, a party, a smoke and maybe some form of C class drug and someone who drives a boyracer car with tinted windows and music that would send any normal person deaf in 5 minutes and I'm, well, I'm just not like that at all, as you probably know by now if I've given you the link to read this blog.
It's proof that opposites attract, even in friendships.

I know she'll be happier down south living her dream but it's hard for me because I've only just begun getting to know her and it's been comforting that some days she can just txt me and say "come round to my house" but she won't be able to do that anymore.

I guess my regret in this case just comes from what I feel was my stupidity in not getting to know her sooner. If I had just got to know her sooner, maybe even in school, I would have had more time to spend with her to know her better and to be a better friend to her but right now it feels like I was given this great thing, this great friendship and now I'm having it ripped away.

I know we'll still txt each other and talk on the internet but sometimes that human to human contact is still the best times a person can have and we didn't even have to be doing anything, just sitting, chatting in her car in the sun on the beach. It was just awesome.

I've begun believing lately that the universe will always provide a person with everything they need and in this time where I'm trying to get rid of the people in my life who make me feel bad (including some people I thought were my friends) or the people who use me, it's nice to know the universe said to this girl "hey, talk to her" and gave us both a new friend at a time where she is also looking for new friends and replacing old ones.

I guess the saying is right: If you love something, you must let it go. And for me, this is the second time this year I've had to just man up and let a friend go and do something that'll make them happy but it's kind of like a bird in a cage, they're gonna be unhappy if you keep them there because they need to be free. Even if it makes you sad to let them go, sometimes you have to sacrifice some of your own happiness for someone else. That is true friendship and true love.

Varelai.