Hey guys,
I know I haven't properly blogged in a long time and for that I apologise but you know how I am.
Tomorrow morning I'm going to see a doctor because I think I have depression in some form and think it's time I stopped denying what's wrong and stopped being sad about nothing all the time and got some help.
I'm up at midnight, partly because I've spent the night with some politically like-minded friends but also because I'm very nervous about seeing the doctor tomorrow. My main fear is that they'll tell me nothing's wrong. I know something's wrong, I'm not myself and haven't been for months. I'm incredibly over-emotional, I cry about everything, which I never have before. In some ways I'm more myself than ever but emotionally, I am a different person and I can't cope with feeling this way anymore.
The problem is, nothing in my life is wrong, everything's going better than it ever has, I have two part time jobs, which I enjoy and two hobbies, one in politics and one with queer youth, which I am also extremely happy and excited about. But I'm not happy in general, I feel empathy where I never did before, I cry about irrational things like TV shows, I miss people more than I did before etc.
It's frustrating because things are finally starting to go well in my life and still, I have never been sadder. It's really confusing.
I've known for some years that I get winter depression and get it so bad I can't function properly in a job or in life but I've never done anything about it because it's always gone away after winter and I felt fine but now it's not winter yet and I'm still feeling terrible all the time so now is time to stop that, especially before it gets worse when winter arrives.
The other fear I have is that the doctor will make me see a councellor and that is something I can't do. The problem, as I explained before, is that there IS no problem. My life is perfect, I'm happy with 89% of it so I have no reason to feel so sad all the time, I feel like my heart is constantly breaking. I don't know what I'd even say to a councellor coz there is no concrete problem they could possibly fix, there is only the irrational sadness amongst a happy life.
The final fear is that taking anti-depressants will make me less myself. Something Gerard Way from My Chemical Romance said has always stuck with me. You all know how much MCR has always meant to me and even though I'm not as obsessed anymore, what he said in my favourite interview with him, still means something to me. This is the video. He says "I notice a lot of people think they can solve their problems with anti-depressants... It really strips people of who they are, your quirks, your problems, even your depressions, your failures, that's what makes you, you and there's a lot of drugs that take that away from you."
I'm scared of what he'd think of me. I'm scared that being on anti-depressants will make me a weak person, although, looking at the situation objectively, I couldn't possibly be weaker than I feel right now but I don't want to be viewed as weak or crazy because of my mental health issues. I don't want people to see my taking pills as "the easy way out" but more than that, I don't want to lose who I am because I've only just discovered her again after years of locking her away to be a serious, skeptical, cynical, jaded journalist, I am more myself than ever and I can't face losing that again. I don't want to become someone who can't feel at all, who is all neutral for good and bad because the drugs strip me of who I am. I don't want to disappoint Gerard but I DO have a problem, it's not so bad that I can't get out of bed but it's no less a problem and I do need to deal with it before it gets more serious and suicide, the other "easy way out" becomes more of an option.
I guess lack of sleep will do me no good but I needed to get this off my chest and rationalise about what tomorrow will bring.
I may update you but I may not, I make no promises.
Varelai.
Showing posts with label My Chemical Romance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label My Chemical Romance. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Music snobs
My Chemical Romance's new album came out a few weeks ago and I have to admit it is an unusual piece of work.
Fans seem to love or hate it. I happen to love it. Even the two songs I disliked at first are growing on me. I've listened to it many times now, more than I can count.
Some of my friends and MCR "fans", are really disappointed by the album, so much so, they wish they could get their money back.
I have to say that, for me their disappointment really hurt. I love the band and I really like the album and I've always defended the band and its actions so when they didn't like the album and said bad things about the band, I felt very defensive and angry at those friends.
I understood the friends who didn't like the album though, it's a different album, it's not like anything they've ever produced before. That, for some people is hard to comprehend.
The thing that gets to me is pretentious assholes. People who say the music is crap or parts of the music are crap.
What gives ANYONE the right to question a band who can sell millions of records or the producers of the albums that band brings out?
I don't care if you know a lot about music through education or through years of listening or even through playing music, if you're not a famous musician, who are you to question the decisions of a band musically?
You are no one. They are an internationally renouned band with albums and fans so clearly they know what they're doing.
Even if their direction seems strange or different, it is intentional and we have no right to judge that.
I hate music snobs who think their music taste is better than everyone elses. Sure, everyone in the universe thinks their music taste is better than everyone elses. Even I do but I'm open minded, willing to listen to anything to expand my musical knowledge because by being closed minded and saying "I will only listen to one genre", you often miss some of the most AMAZING music you will ever hear.
So when someone is pretentious and hates popular music or hates any music that's not classical music, that really fucks me off.
When someone criticises a band like MCR for a musical decision they've made but is too pretentious to properly listen to it because they have the attitude that"only classical artists make proper music" then they can fuck off. Perhaps they don't deserve the depth this new album brings. This album could save as many lives as any MCR album.
V.
Fans seem to love or hate it. I happen to love it. Even the two songs I disliked at first are growing on me. I've listened to it many times now, more than I can count.
Some of my friends and MCR "fans", are really disappointed by the album, so much so, they wish they could get their money back.
I have to say that, for me their disappointment really hurt. I love the band and I really like the album and I've always defended the band and its actions so when they didn't like the album and said bad things about the band, I felt very defensive and angry at those friends.
I understood the friends who didn't like the album though, it's a different album, it's not like anything they've ever produced before. That, for some people is hard to comprehend.
The thing that gets to me is pretentious assholes. People who say the music is crap or parts of the music are crap.
What gives ANYONE the right to question a band who can sell millions of records or the producers of the albums that band brings out?
I don't care if you know a lot about music through education or through years of listening or even through playing music, if you're not a famous musician, who are you to question the decisions of a band musically?
You are no one. They are an internationally renouned band with albums and fans so clearly they know what they're doing.
Even if their direction seems strange or different, it is intentional and we have no right to judge that.
I hate music snobs who think their music taste is better than everyone elses. Sure, everyone in the universe thinks their music taste is better than everyone elses. Even I do but I'm open minded, willing to listen to anything to expand my musical knowledge because by being closed minded and saying "I will only listen to one genre", you often miss some of the most AMAZING music you will ever hear.
So when someone is pretentious and hates popular music or hates any music that's not classical music, that really fucks me off.
When someone criticises a band like MCR for a musical decision they've made but is too pretentious to properly listen to it because they have the attitude that"only classical artists make proper music" then they can fuck off. Perhaps they don't deserve the depth this new album brings. This album could save as many lives as any MCR album.
V.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Nine eleven
I'm not American so you'd think it would be hard for me to understand exactly how much pain 9/11 caused the people of the United States.
But I get it. I watched some documentaries I recorded a few days ago and they shocked me. Every year around this time, I do the same thing. I watch programmes about September 11 and succumb to the total emotional shock these kinds of programmes bring.
Seeing the towers collapse never gets any easier. Today, watching them collapse in a matter of seconds felt like someone was stabbing a knife into my chest.
Just in those 10 seconds, thousands of people lost their lives, just like that. BAM, vapourised.
I guess that's the hardest thing for me, the fact they never even had a CHANCE to get out, they were killed instantly and not only were they killed, there weren't even bodies for grieving families. There was NOTHING left of most people and if there were, there was only a finger or a bone that was left for possible identification. Some people are probably still missing.
The programme that affected me more than anything was New York mayor of the time Rudy Gulliani's account of what 9/11 was like for him as the man in charge.
The president, Mr Bush had been evacuated to some safe space or some such thing and Gulliani was the only person in power at the coalface, with the people. Running away with them, trying to keep them calm, telling them to be strong and unafraid.
I can't even imagine what he was going through, trying to be strong and never crying in front of cameras, even when he continually found out more of his close friends were dead. He just had to be a pillar of strength for the whole of America despite how much intense emotional pain he must have been in.
Nine eleven always makes me want to listen to My Chemical Romance. They were created in 2001 after Gerard (lead singer) saw people falling from the towers. That day he wrote Skylines and Turnstyles. A song that accurately fits the feeling of the day in my mind. The skyline that was so peaceful, bright blue sky, the hot, sunny day being destroyed by smoke and destruction.
People changed their lives that day. Gerard decided he wouldn't sell his soul to a big corporation anymore and that he wanted to save the world. He did. And 10 years later, My Chemical Romance are still going strong, saving the lives of teens all around the world with their music and about to release a new album before the year is out.
New Zealand just had a tragedy of our own. Okay, it was NO 9/11 and no one died but many lives were changed by the Canterbury earthquake of 2010. Thing is, as this article shows, the quake brought New Zealanders closer together.
I spoke to an American on 9/11 this year who said the event really changed Americans and in particular New Yorkers.
New Yorkers are not known for being particularly kind, patient or caring but 9/11 changed all that.
She said she saw people helping people and people sharing cabs, something that had not been done before or since.
But they were so changed by their losses, their shock, that they were calmer, they were more caring, they were more sensitive.
Let's just take some time to remember the thousands of people who lost their lives, the firefighters who went up into the second tower even though they knew they would die when the tower collapsed and the civillians who never did anything wrong.
Varelai.
But I get it. I watched some documentaries I recorded a few days ago and they shocked me. Every year around this time, I do the same thing. I watch programmes about September 11 and succumb to the total emotional shock these kinds of programmes bring.
Seeing the towers collapse never gets any easier. Today, watching them collapse in a matter of seconds felt like someone was stabbing a knife into my chest.
Just in those 10 seconds, thousands of people lost their lives, just like that. BAM, vapourised.
I guess that's the hardest thing for me, the fact they never even had a CHANCE to get out, they were killed instantly and not only were they killed, there weren't even bodies for grieving families. There was NOTHING left of most people and if there were, there was only a finger or a bone that was left for possible identification. Some people are probably still missing.
The programme that affected me more than anything was New York mayor of the time Rudy Gulliani's account of what 9/11 was like for him as the man in charge.
The president, Mr Bush had been evacuated to some safe space or some such thing and Gulliani was the only person in power at the coalface, with the people. Running away with them, trying to keep them calm, telling them to be strong and unafraid.
I can't even imagine what he was going through, trying to be strong and never crying in front of cameras, even when he continually found out more of his close friends were dead. He just had to be a pillar of strength for the whole of America despite how much intense emotional pain he must have been in.
Nine eleven always makes me want to listen to My Chemical Romance. They were created in 2001 after Gerard (lead singer) saw people falling from the towers. That day he wrote Skylines and Turnstyles. A song that accurately fits the feeling of the day in my mind. The skyline that was so peaceful, bright blue sky, the hot, sunny day being destroyed by smoke and destruction.
People changed their lives that day. Gerard decided he wouldn't sell his soul to a big corporation anymore and that he wanted to save the world. He did. And 10 years later, My Chemical Romance are still going strong, saving the lives of teens all around the world with their music and about to release a new album before the year is out.
New Zealand just had a tragedy of our own. Okay, it was NO 9/11 and no one died but many lives were changed by the Canterbury earthquake of 2010. Thing is, as this article shows, the quake brought New Zealanders closer together.
I spoke to an American on 9/11 this year who said the event really changed Americans and in particular New Yorkers.
New Yorkers are not known for being particularly kind, patient or caring but 9/11 changed all that.
She said she saw people helping people and people sharing cabs, something that had not been done before or since.
But they were so changed by their losses, their shock, that they were calmer, they were more caring, they were more sensitive.
Let's just take some time to remember the thousands of people who lost their lives, the firefighters who went up into the second tower even though they knew they would die when the tower collapsed and the civillians who never did anything wrong.
Varelai.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
The days when I love my job
Today I got to ride in a fire engine.
It was fun, I was happy.
The chief fire officer was very nice.
Also, I got an email that said a person enjoyed what I had written about them and that I had "passion and respect".
I appreciate getting thanked for doing my job.
I just remembered it is pay day tomorrow THANK GOODNESS.
We get paid every fortnight so it is often like living in the poor house in the second week.
Like sure I get paid for my job but the thank you's are the reason I do it.
Sure, this morning I had to run a correction because I fucked up a single word - helicopter instead of plane, but then the day got better and better.
Also, I got a new car today. He's not super new, he's a 1993 Toyota Corona.
But he's new in the fact the Beast, my previous car was built in 1989.
I need to name the new car, naming is always the hard part. He's a blue green colour.
The last car was called Gerard because it was silver, like Gerard's hair when he was publicising the Black Parade.
This car doesn't really give me any cues as to what it should be called but maybe after a bit of a drive, we'll figure it out based on characteristics or something.
I wish I could say I miss the beast but I don't.
It's only been a few hours and I've only driven the new car around the block once in that time but I was in constant fear the beast would do something antisocial like break down or overheat.
Maybe the new car will end up like that too, I don't know.
Good news for anyone who cares, the person I wrote the poem about recently is willing to forgive me and we are currently trying to break the communication barrier by talking on the phone once a week and seeing each other whenever I come home, which is usually every 2 weeks.
She means a lot to me. Over the time we'd been friends we had built something really strong and losing that really hurt me.
I would assume she didn't read my poem but I am hugely thankful to her for being willing to try to repair this.
It is hard to maintain friendships living in another place but having a new car means I may be able to go home more easily.
I hope to get home for good as soon as possible, there is a place I can work closer to home but they do not have a position avaliable currently but the guy I could replace is due to move on, he's high quality, good at his job and deserves to be somewhere better.
Varelai.
It was fun, I was happy.
The chief fire officer was very nice.
Also, I got an email that said a person enjoyed what I had written about them and that I had "passion and respect".
I appreciate getting thanked for doing my job.
I just remembered it is pay day tomorrow THANK GOODNESS.
We get paid every fortnight so it is often like living in the poor house in the second week.
Like sure I get paid for my job but the thank you's are the reason I do it.
Sure, this morning I had to run a correction because I fucked up a single word - helicopter instead of plane, but then the day got better and better.
Also, I got a new car today. He's not super new, he's a 1993 Toyota Corona.
But he's new in the fact the Beast, my previous car was built in 1989.
I need to name the new car, naming is always the hard part. He's a blue green colour.
The last car was called Gerard because it was silver, like Gerard's hair when he was publicising the Black Parade.
This car doesn't really give me any cues as to what it should be called but maybe after a bit of a drive, we'll figure it out based on characteristics or something.
I wish I could say I miss the beast but I don't.
It's only been a few hours and I've only driven the new car around the block once in that time but I was in constant fear the beast would do something antisocial like break down or overheat.
Maybe the new car will end up like that too, I don't know.
Good news for anyone who cares, the person I wrote the poem about recently is willing to forgive me and we are currently trying to break the communication barrier by talking on the phone once a week and seeing each other whenever I come home, which is usually every 2 weeks.
She means a lot to me. Over the time we'd been friends we had built something really strong and losing that really hurt me.
I would assume she didn't read my poem but I am hugely thankful to her for being willing to try to repair this.
It is hard to maintain friendships living in another place but having a new car means I may be able to go home more easily.
I hope to get home for good as soon as possible, there is a place I can work closer to home but they do not have a position avaliable currently but the guy I could replace is due to move on, he's high quality, good at his job and deserves to be somewhere better.
Varelai.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
She sneezes when she sees bright lights
I saw Motion City Soundtrack the weekend just been at Soundwave. I cannot explain how incredible this experience was.
Most of my 4ish days in Australia was awful for various reasons but MCS saved me.
Saddest thing was that MCR pulled out a few weeks before the show so to see Jimmy Eat World where my band should have been, was devastating. I couldn't watch.
I could NOT believe how incredible MCS were though. They made the whole drama worth it.
Oh and the bats. Bats are so fucking cute.
I have a feeling the always gorgeous Justin Pierre may have sobered up again. I read today he relapsed during the recording of their third album Even If It Kills Me after a bad break up.
But he dedicated one of his songs to a woman so I guess he's found love again and judging by his performance I'd say he sounds sober again.
Always crazy but not insane enough to seem drunk.
Anyway, in response to MCS I want to write a really good poem.
MCS have this really good song on Even If It Kills Me called Antonia. The song is basically a song which reminds me very much of Shakespeare's sonnet "My Mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun".
Basically, it describes a fictional girl (made up of a few different girls Justin knows, as well as MCS' drummer's wife), who is not perfect.
Just like Shakespeare's sonnet.
Antonia is just so average but the writer (possibly a character and not Justin) loves her. The last line he sings is "Our baby girl is due this May and when the little lady grows up, I hope that she will be just like her mother".
Shakespeare ends his sonnet with "And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare"
So basically, these men, love these women with all they have but these women have bad breath, are scared of cobra snakes, have shitty voices, care for stupid cats who can't find their way home and more.
So I decided I need to write a poem for the person I have a crush on. I don't know that I love him but I can still say nice things about him in the form of a poem.
I'll think about it and post it some time soon.
He's really quite average. My friends think he's not good looking at all. But I think the traits he has are admirable and I like him.
And may have stalked him on both Facebook and Bebo for some time.
Varelai.
For your reference:::::
Motion City Soundtrack, Antonia
She makes a lot of abstract art
She haggles for the cheapest price
She never orders take-out food
Before ten o'clock at night
She's really into snow mobiles
She owns a lot of nice flashlights
She cares for all the stupid cats
That never found their way home
She shaves her legs with ginsu knives
She quotes a lot of Annie Hall
She misplaced her virginity
Back in 1995
She's what's keeping me alive
She's the pizza of my eye
Without her near me I would not survive
It gets cold when she's not around
I float until I sink and get swallowed up
It's so cold when she's not around
I wait for her to come home and tell me I'll be fine
She's always eating Captain Crunch
She sings a lot of Ben Folds Five
She's scared to death of cobra snakes
Just like Indiana Jones
She tells the dumbest knock knock jokes
She drinks a lot of Chardonnay
She hates the way I comb my hair
But she married me last june
She was the bride I was the groom
I cried a lot and then we spooned
Without her in my life I would be doomed
It gets cold when she's not around
I float until I sink and get swallowed up
It's so cold when she's not around
I wait for her to come home and tell me I'll be fine
Tell me I'll be fine
She loves the smell of Christmas trees
She sneezes when she sees bright lights
She fainted on the kitchen floor
When her father passed away
Our baby girl is due this May
And when the little lady grows up
I hope that she will be just like
Her mother.
Shakespeare, Sonnet 130, My Mistress' Eyes
My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips' red;
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damask'd, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound;
I grant I never saw a goddess go;
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground:
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.
Most of my 4ish days in Australia was awful for various reasons but MCS saved me.
Saddest thing was that MCR pulled out a few weeks before the show so to see Jimmy Eat World where my band should have been, was devastating. I couldn't watch.
I could NOT believe how incredible MCS were though. They made the whole drama worth it.
Oh and the bats. Bats are so fucking cute.
I have a feeling the always gorgeous Justin Pierre may have sobered up again. I read today he relapsed during the recording of their third album Even If It Kills Me after a bad break up.
But he dedicated one of his songs to a woman so I guess he's found love again and judging by his performance I'd say he sounds sober again.
Always crazy but not insane enough to seem drunk.
Anyway, in response to MCS I want to write a really good poem.
MCS have this really good song on Even If It Kills Me called Antonia. The song is basically a song which reminds me very much of Shakespeare's sonnet "My Mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun".
Basically, it describes a fictional girl (made up of a few different girls Justin knows, as well as MCS' drummer's wife), who is not perfect.
Just like Shakespeare's sonnet.
Antonia is just so average but the writer (possibly a character and not Justin) loves her. The last line he sings is "Our baby girl is due this May and when the little lady grows up, I hope that she will be just like her mother".
Shakespeare ends his sonnet with "And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare"
So basically, these men, love these women with all they have but these women have bad breath, are scared of cobra snakes, have shitty voices, care for stupid cats who can't find their way home and more.
So I decided I need to write a poem for the person I have a crush on. I don't know that I love him but I can still say nice things about him in the form of a poem.
I'll think about it and post it some time soon.
He's really quite average. My friends think he's not good looking at all. But I think the traits he has are admirable and I like him.
And may have stalked him on both Facebook and Bebo for some time.
Varelai.
For your reference:::::
Motion City Soundtrack, Antonia
She makes a lot of abstract art
She haggles for the cheapest price
She never orders take-out food
Before ten o'clock at night
She's really into snow mobiles
She owns a lot of nice flashlights
She cares for all the stupid cats
That never found their way home
She shaves her legs with ginsu knives
She quotes a lot of Annie Hall
She misplaced her virginity
Back in 1995
She's what's keeping me alive
She's the pizza of my eye
Without her near me I would not survive
It gets cold when she's not around
I float until I sink and get swallowed up
It's so cold when she's not around
I wait for her to come home and tell me I'll be fine
She's always eating Captain Crunch
She sings a lot of Ben Folds Five
She's scared to death of cobra snakes
Just like Indiana Jones
She tells the dumbest knock knock jokes
She drinks a lot of Chardonnay
She hates the way I comb my hair
But she married me last june
She was the bride I was the groom
I cried a lot and then we spooned
Without her in my life I would be doomed
It gets cold when she's not around
I float until I sink and get swallowed up
It's so cold when she's not around
I wait for her to come home and tell me I'll be fine
Tell me I'll be fine
She loves the smell of Christmas trees
She sneezes when she sees bright lights
She fainted on the kitchen floor
When her father passed away
Our baby girl is due this May
And when the little lady grows up
I hope that she will be just like
Her mother.
Shakespeare, Sonnet 130, My Mistress' Eyes
My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips' red;
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damask'd, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound;
I grant I never saw a goddess go;
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground:
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Honesty, is such a lonely word
"Born into Nixon I was raised in hell" - Green Day.
I dunno why I wanted a quote but I really like that line. I don't even know why coz I wasn't born into Nixon!
I was born into Bush senior if we're talking America.
It is my strong belief that on meeting people, you should be honest.
I have recently begun talking to a guy. Although he's seven years older than me, there is a chance he is a prospective lover.
He's a nice guy, pretty funny as well as being a musician.
We talked last night about tattoos.
As you will all know, I love ink. I just got a new piece a few days ago which is, by the way, gorgeous!
It was of great unfortunateness that I found out this guy doesn't like tattoos.
He finds them tacky and generally pretty gross.
This made me feel kinda sad coz he seems great in all other areas.
So when it came to the time when he asked "so... do you have any?"
I wanted to say no.
The reason for this is because I didn't want to ruin the new friendship we'd started as well as any chance of a future relationship.
In the end I just said "maybe" to which he replied "yes, you do?"
The thing is, regardless of what I told him, he would eventually find out the truth and hate me and my tattoos.
Tattoos are not an easy thing to lie about because they will always be there so I told the truth, even though I knew he wouldn't like it.
Thing is, what if he sees mine, sees they're pretty, not tacky and MAYBE grows to like them.
At least now he knows I have them, he can base his future opinions on honest, truthful information.
That's another thing a friend told me once. If you lie to someone, you are giving them information which is not the truth. You are spreading false information.
Which means when the person you lied to goes somewhere and talks to someone else, that person may think the information is true and spread it further OR they will think the person who told them the information is a moron or a liar.
Which is why I don't lie.
Plus, do I want someone in my life who doesn't like me for me?
Part of me is my tattoos, they will be forever with me and they are a huge part of my life.
If someone dislikes you for telling them the truth about yourself or dislikes a part of you, are they worth it?
My favourite band is My Chemical Romance. This is a well known fact amongst the people who surround my life.
Thing is, a lot of people, for reasons unknown to me, dislike this band.
Whether it is for their look, their lyrics or their sound, as soon as they are mentioned, the hate comes POURING in.
This is something I can sometimes feel reluctant to talk about because of the hate which has, in the time I've loved them, gone with mentioning them.
But these guys save my life every time I hear them.
They have always reminded me that life is okay even if you're not.
And to never be afraid to keep on living.
Varelai.
I dunno why I wanted a quote but I really like that line. I don't even know why coz I wasn't born into Nixon!
I was born into Bush senior if we're talking America.
It is my strong belief that on meeting people, you should be honest.
I have recently begun talking to a guy. Although he's seven years older than me, there is a chance he is a prospective lover.
He's a nice guy, pretty funny as well as being a musician.
We talked last night about tattoos.
As you will all know, I love ink. I just got a new piece a few days ago which is, by the way, gorgeous!
It was of great unfortunateness that I found out this guy doesn't like tattoos.
He finds them tacky and generally pretty gross.
This made me feel kinda sad coz he seems great in all other areas.
So when it came to the time when he asked "so... do you have any?"
I wanted to say no.
The reason for this is because I didn't want to ruin the new friendship we'd started as well as any chance of a future relationship.
In the end I just said "maybe" to which he replied "yes, you do?"
The thing is, regardless of what I told him, he would eventually find out the truth and hate me and my tattoos.
Tattoos are not an easy thing to lie about because they will always be there so I told the truth, even though I knew he wouldn't like it.
Thing is, what if he sees mine, sees they're pretty, not tacky and MAYBE grows to like them.
At least now he knows I have them, he can base his future opinions on honest, truthful information.
That's another thing a friend told me once. If you lie to someone, you are giving them information which is not the truth. You are spreading false information.
Which means when the person you lied to goes somewhere and talks to someone else, that person may think the information is true and spread it further OR they will think the person who told them the information is a moron or a liar.
Which is why I don't lie.
Plus, do I want someone in my life who doesn't like me for me?
Part of me is my tattoos, they will be forever with me and they are a huge part of my life.
If someone dislikes you for telling them the truth about yourself or dislikes a part of you, are they worth it?
My favourite band is My Chemical Romance. This is a well known fact amongst the people who surround my life.
Thing is, a lot of people, for reasons unknown to me, dislike this band.
Whether it is for their look, their lyrics or their sound, as soon as they are mentioned, the hate comes POURING in.
This is something I can sometimes feel reluctant to talk about because of the hate which has, in the time I've loved them, gone with mentioning them.
But these guys save my life every time I hear them.
They have always reminded me that life is okay even if you're not.
And to never be afraid to keep on living.
Varelai.
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