The passion

I miss being passionate about things.
I used to have a blog on Bebo and speak passionately about the issues in my life, homophobia, religion and all sorts of other controversial issues.
But now I just don't care. Well, it's not that I don't care but as Rise Against says "Neutrality means that you don't really care" and I do feel neutral about all these things now, rather than passionate.
Maybe it's because I feel significantly straighter now than I used to so I don't feel as INTO gay issues.
Sure, homophobia is still a horrible, terrible thing that shouldn't be wished on anyone but it doesn't affect me anymore so I don't feel as passionate to make a stand about it.
I outed myself in college and started a queer support group to help the other gay kids in school to defend themselves from the homophobic attitudes of others in the school.
It was hard, we were picked on a lot, bullied more than anyone can imagine but I was admired for standing up for myself and my friends, by the more open minded people in the school. I took a stand and it felt good. I no longer stand for things.
But this post is from a time when it did. It was one of the most effective blogs I ever wrote on Bebo so I thought it could do with reposting for opinions on this blog.

Sunday 9th September 2007:

I was disapointed with the reaction my parents gave me when I came out to them. They accepted me.
I really expected the whole "You're bi, get out of the house, we never want to see you again", at least THEN there would have been some DRAMA! What I got was "Its ok, we love you, whatever makes you happy" etc.
DISAPOINTMENT!
Homophobia DOES have to stop though, there is nothing I hate more in this world than homophobia and people who judge people based on sex, sexuality, race, religion, whatever.

I went to church a few weeks ago (because I am religious as you all know) and felt guilty the WHOLE way through because I knew in my head and my heart that I was in love with a girl and she was all I could think about the WHOLE service!
In the back of my mind I knew it was wrong to be thinking about her during church but I cant help what I feel. This week it wasnt so bad but that ONCE I really felt a clash between my sexuality and my religion.
Until that day I had always felt like I was able to mix the two and there would be nothing wrong.
There's nothing wrong with mixing the two but when you should be thinking about God and you're thinking about the GIRL you love (thats a sin as it is), religion and sexuality are NOT mixing!

I have blogged before about how hard it must be for someone who along with their family is strongly religious to DOUBT their sexuality because of the fact religion and homosexuality DO NOT mix!

In the movie Walk The Line, Johnny Cash had a great point. Different circumstances but the same principle.
Johnny's manager was talking about how most of Johnny's fans were Christians and they didnt want to hear him sing to a bunch of murderers and criminals, Johnny turns around and says "They're not real good Christians then are they?"

The Christian belief is to love your neighbour, treat others how you would like to be treated etc, just like Jesus did. However, if they are judging someone based on what theyve done or who they are, that doesnt exactly make them good Christians does it?

Im reading the bible at the moment and Jesus tells people not to judge others, he tells people to forgive people for what theyve done. Im sure he says something about hate the sin not the sinner.

Its all good and well saying these things in THEORY but when it comes down to it, would you actually do the right thing?
Like it says in the homophobia thing above, if your parents are strongly religious and maybe they arent AGAINST gays, they're accepting and stuff but then if their son turned around and said "hey guys, im gay" they would disown him!

That is not practising what you preach if you cant accept someone in your own FAMILY for who they are!
I guess some people would say Im lucky my family didnt react badly, I guess if they had it would have killed me really but since they reacted well, I just wish they hadnt coz then I would have a story to tell.

The worst part about homophobia is that kids have KILLED themselves because their sexuality has not been accepted and they have gotten too much shit for it!
Im glad Ive never felt that bad about things that I even had to CONSIDER dying.
Sure Ive gotten shit from people about sexuality. Surprisingly its been more guys at school than I ever got from girls.
But I can handle it, they're right, what dont kill you, only makes you stronger.
I am a stronger person for the shit Ive had to endure and Im sure any other kid who has had to handle the same stuff I have (or worse) can say the same thing.

Final line. Dont give up. Ever!
Be proud of who you are. People should accept you but no one ever does what they SHOULD do. If they dont, yea itll hurt but dont give up coz it can only make you a stronger person.
The best people Ive ever met have either been straight but GREATLY open and accepting or gay and just awesome people because of what theyve been through!
Stop judging people before you know them! If you judge people based on sexuality, you will lose some of the greatest people you will EVER know! Thats your loss for being such an ignorant piece of shit.

Finally a poem to finish it all off. I wrote this in June 2008 after a couple of boys called me a "fat lesbian". This was my response on my blog: "I want them to know that when I see them, all I see is two boys, scared of their own feelings, trying to take me down to their level because I am strong, confident and open about who I am and my sexuality.
I am proud to be part of the gay community and I hope that one day, these boys will come out and feel the same way."

Your Words Will Never Hurt Me

Never ending insults,
Year after year.
You think you still hurt me with your cliches?

Call me something I haven't heard before,
I dare you.

Words used to stab me, like a knife through my heart,
Now they're like annoying background noise.

I'm a brave person,
I came out, it took guts,
Guts you clearly don't have.

You don't hurt me,
'Sticks and stones', you're the ones I feel sorry for.

I'm not afraid to be myself,
At least I know who I am.

I don't hate you,
I just hope that one day,
You won't be afraid to admit to who you are aswell.

Ah, the passion. I was so feisty, I could have taken on the world and I did sometimes.

Varelai.